“Why do I have to meet with him?” I whined, plopping down in my chair at the breakfast table the next morning. Ben lowered his paper and peered at me over the edge, clearly annoyed with me. Nothing new there. Sam looked frustrated.
“Jack…you don’t have to meet the guy. But what if what Ben said is true, and Miguel just wants to make amends? You’d be helping the guy out,” said Sam.
I dropped my fork with a clatter on my plate. “Listen to you. Yesterday you had Reefer Robbie pinned up against the wall, ready to rip his eyes out. Now you want me to make nice nice with the creep who attacked me?” I sat back and crossed my arms. “I don’t get you two. What if he tries to do it again?”
Sam started to speak, but Ben interrupted. “Dammit, Jack, we’ve been over this a dozen times,” he said, tossing his newspaper on the table. “Miguel Rojas is not a dangerous guy. And I’ll be with you the whole time. I made it a condition of the meeting. He won’t touch you, I guarantee it.”
I looked at Sam across the table, surprised he was buying this. Where was my enraged, over-protective defender? He stopped mid-bite and looked into my eyes. I could feel his soul connect to mine in his peculiar, intangible way. Instead of the usual calming effect, this time it annoyed me. I unfolded my arms and looked down at my plate.
“You guys don’t understand. What he did…it was…look, I just want to forget it. There’s nothing he can do or say to undo what he did. Surely he knows that.”
“He only needs five minutes of your time,” said Ben. I looked up, annoyed. Ben put his hands up in surrender. “But…if you can’t do it, then fine. Whatever you want. Either way, let me know, and I’ll let him know. He’s working the evening shift at the hotel again tonight.”
I sighed and looked down at my food. Ben was annoyed, and Sam was definitely not happy with me for some reason. How did I become the bad guy in this whole sordid mess? I didn’t do anything wrong, and it really pissed me off. I pushed my chair back from the table, causing it to squeak on the floor. Apple juice sloshed out of my glass and flowed toward the table edge. I stood up, threw my napkin across the spill, and grabbed my plate. I had not eaten a single bite of my breakfast.
“I’ll be in the car,” I said. I put my dishes in the sink and walked out without looking at Sam.
I sat in the back seat and pouted in the semi-darkness of the closed garage. It was lonely in there, which matched my mood. I was clearly alone in this fight. Maybe I was being childish, but Miguel had no right to insist I meet with him – for any reason. I didn’t owe him anything. He was the one who assaulted me, not the other way around. I certainly didn’t want to relive it. Having Sam and Ben take his side made it all the more painful. It wasn’t fair.
Fine, so Ben didn’t think he was a danger to me. That wasn’t the point. He didn’t need to be. He’d already done his damage. Why didn’t Ben and Sam understand that? I was so confused.
Ben stepped into the garage and pressed the button on the door opener. The dark garage flooded with sunlight as the big door rose behind me. Sam wasn’t with him.
“Where’s Sam?” I asked as Ben slid behind the wheel and reached for his sunglasses.
“Said he’s staying home to work with Charles.”
“What? Why?”
“You’ll have to ask him,” said Ben, avoiding my eyes in the rearview mirror.
I bit my tongue and pushed my door open, seething.
“Wait here,” I hissed.
I didn’t hear what Ben said. The blood rushing in my ears blocked it out. I stormed around the front of the car, bruising my thigh against the angled fender. I yelped and kept moving. I shoved open the mudroom door so hard it banged against the wall and ricocheted back, knocking some sense into me. I had to calm down. I really didn’t want to fight with Sam.
He suddenly appeared in front of me. “Oh…there you are, little man. I was just coming out to say goodbye,” he said.
“Why aren’t you coming to the office with me?” I demanded.
Sam took a small step backward. With measured breaths, he looked into my eyes with an odd expression. “I’m thinking you might need a little space today. Besides, Ben says you’re not in any danger at the office, and Charles could use my help around here.”
“And I can’t? Because I won’t do what you think I should, you’re just going to leave me on my own?”
He made a face I didn’t like. “Do you need my help at the office?”
“Not in the slightest,” I said coldly, turning to walk out.
“Jack…” said Sam to my back.
I spun around, spitting mad. “I won’t do it, Sam. I don’t care what you say or do. I won’t be manipulated into meeting Miguel. You have no right to make me.”
He raised his voice. “I’m not manipulating you! You’re being…ugh, I don’t know what you’re being. But I’m pretty sure you’re going to be sorry if you don’t meet with him, no matter how hard it might be.”
I scowled at him, my pulse racing. Sam softened his voice and took a tentative step toward me. “I know you, Jack. I know your heart. You can help this guy.”
I stepped back. “Here’s a news flash, Sam. You don’t know everything about me. There are some people I have no intentions of helping. Ever!”
I turned and slammed the door behind me.
I fought tears of frustration, sitting in the back seat all alone. Ben wisely didn’t look at me or say a word for the entire ride to the city.
Margie wasn’t at her desk when I arrived at the office, which was fine with me. I saw Robbie sitting at his desk in front of Todd’s office, bent over his keyboard. Ben peeled off at the elevator and moved toward the kitchen. I was alone.
I entered my office and closed the door. I tossed my suit coat on the couch and stood at the windows, facing out at the mountains in the distance. The day was sunny and bright. My heart was dark and gloomy.
Sam not coming with me really hurt. It felt like a total rejection. It also felt like he was intent on throwing me back to the wolf. My head told me it couldn’t be true, but my darkened heart wasn’t listening. I squeezed my hands into fists of frustration.
This whole thing was upside down. Miguel’s reappearance in my life had caused nothing but trouble. I don’t know what he had hoped to accomplish, but if it was to wreak total havoc, he succeeded.
I needed Sam’s arm around me, not his judgment. Why was he being so mean to me?
Margie poked her head in the door. “Hey, boss. You snuck past me. Do you need anything?” When I turned to answer, my voice caught in my throat. I settled for shaking my head. She studied me for a moment, then stepped into the office and closed the door.
“You want to talk about it?”
I shook my head again, feeling my eyes well up. Damn tears.
“I noticed you don’t have a guard outside your door. Everything okay now?” she asked.
I shrugged.
“Okay…well…um…is Sam here?”
I shook my head again. She nodded. “I see. Would you like me to leave you alone now?”
I nodded. She left quietly. I turned back to the windows and let the tears fall. I didn’t feel capable of anything else.
The phone on my desk rang. Crap! I wanted to be left alone. I swiped the back of my hands at my eyes and walked over to the infernal device, staring at the flashing red light, each ring jarring my nerves. I sighed and picked up the handset.
“This is Jack,” I said, my voice a little shaky.
“Hey, boss. Morning,” said Todd.
“Morning, Todd. Can I help you with something?”
“Oh…uh…no. I was just checking on you,” he said.
“Let me guess…Margie?”
“Don’t be mad at her, Jack. She’s worried about you. Said you aren’t yourself today.”
“I’m not. But I’ll be fine. Anything else?”
“Well…now that I’ve got you, can you pop over here to my office for a minute? I want to run something by you.”
I sighed. “Fine. Give me five minutes.”
“Sure thing, boss.” He hung up. I slammed the phone down. I so should have stayed home. I blew my nose, dried my eyes, and walked out. Margie looked up from her desk, but said nothing. I kept moving, straight to the bathroom.
I washed my hands and splashed some cold water on my face. I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror. Eyes red rimmed and nose raw at the edges. Perfect. Miguel had once again reduced me to a sniveling mouse. The asshole. Crawl back in your hole and leave me alone.
Todd was all smiles when I stepped into his office. I wanted to hit him, which made no sense. I sighed and sat in one of the chairs in front of his desk.
“What do you need my help with?” I asked, with almost no hint of sarcasm.
He looked at me like he wanted to say something, but then changed his mind. He swallowed and changed direction. “We have an opportunity to invest in another office building here in Denver. This one is downtown. Largely empty at the moment, but Simon thinks it has great potential. The neighborhood around it is going through major gentrification. Might be perfect for shared office spaces and retail outlets. Several floors of apartments above.”
“Sounds fine to me. I trust Simon’s opinion. I’m sure you’ll find a way to make money from it.”
“Do you want to see it first?”
I looked out his windows and the downtown skyscrapers in the distance. “Not really, no. It’s just a building, right?”
Todd looked at me strangely. “Oh…I thought…well…hmmm…I don’t know what I thought, I guess,” he said, perplexed.
“Look, Todd, I appreciate you including me in all these decisions, but honestly, I don’t have anything to contribute to this one. If Simon thinks it’s a good investment, go for it. You’ll do your due diligence, and you’ll turn a profit. You’re good at it. I have total confidence in you guys.”
“Thanks…I think,” he said. “What’s going on with you? Where’s the goon squad today? And where is Sam?”
“Don’t ask, okay. Ben called off the extra guards, and Sam’s at home, helping Charles with a bathroom remodel. That’s all.”
“So he found the guy? The one Margie’s sister was looking for?”
I nodded. “Yes, and there’s no more danger. Please just let it go, okay?”
“Um…okay…I guess. Man, you’re really upset. Tell me how can I help,” he said.
I sighed. “Thanks for asking, but there’s nothing you can do. I’ll be fine. It’ll pass. If you don’t need anything else, I’m gonna go.”
“No, I’m good. But you’ll let me know if you change your mind, right?”
“About what?”
“About helping you.”
“Sure. I’ll let you know.” He nodded and I left.
Will stopped me in front of Margie’s desk.
“Hey, boss. You got a minute?” he asked, a giddy smile plastered across his face. He looked like a kid set loose in his favorite toy store.
“Um…not really,” I replied. Margie looked up at me, knowing I had nothing to work on. I shook my head to silence any input from her.
Will’s smile faded. “Oh…okay. Well…if you get a minute sometime today, I’d like to run something past you,” he said.
“I’ll let you know,” I said, turning toward my office door. I heard Margie mumble something to Will as I shut my door, once again alone in the inner sanctum on my office.
That lasted all of twenty seconds. Margie came bursting through the door and walked right up to my desk. I hadn’t even sat down yet.
“What’s going on? Start talking,” she demanded.
“No. Leave me alone,” I said. I sounded like a small child. I fell back into my desk chair, arms splayed out in defeat.
“Throw me out, fire me, I don’t care. But you will tell me what the hell is wrong with you today, before you get the whole office in an uproar.”
“Who cares?”
“We all do. You set the tone around this place. They watch you, they take their cues from you. It’s called being a leader.”
I sighed and looked away. I didn’t want to be a leader. I wanted to disappear. Margie tried a different approach.
She sat down in front of my desk. “Jack…talk to me. Maybe I can help you figure out whatever it is that’s bothering you. I’m a good listener,” she said softly.
“I don’t want to talk about it. I just keep making a mess of things.”
“Is this about the man you guys were looking for? Miguel?”
She wasn’t going to give up, so I threw in the towel. “Fine. Yes, he works over at the Hyatt now. Ben talked to him last night, and he wants to meet with me. I don’t want to do it.”
“So don’t,” she said. “What’s the big deal?”
“Tell that to Sam,” I said, with more force than I intended. She inhaled sharply.
“Okay…let me make a wild guess. You and Sam are on the outs over this guy, and that’s why you’re in your head today.”
“Give yourself another gold star,” I muttered.
“Why does Sam want you to meet him? Seems odd, if this guy messed with you before.”
“That’s what I said. But he insists I’ll regret not helping the guy.”
“Help him? In what way?”
“Not a clue.”
We were quiet for a minute. I looked out the windows, trying to see a way forward. Margie shifted in her chair.
“No matter what you decide to do, Jack, don’t let this get between you and Sam. He loves you. Believe that. And you love him. Don’t let this guy divide the two of you.” I nodded without looking at her. She waited a moment more, then quietly left me sitting there in a fog of hurt and confusion.
The laptop computer on my desk dinged. I opened the lid, clicked the icon to open email, and dropped back in my chair. Holy crap! I had thirty-two messages waiting in my inbox, all but three from my executive team. The others were from names I didn’t recognize.
I closed the lid. Maybe if I ignored them, they would disappear. I sighed and stood up, stretching my back and shoulders. Joints popped, muscles complained. It wasn’t even lunch time and I was exhausted. And I hadn’t done anything but wallow in self-pity.
Enough. I needed to move. I needed to do something, anything. And I needed to talk to someone who would have my back.
I found Ben sitting at the cubicle he commandeered as his work space. He looked up as I approached.
“I need to go out,” I said.
He nodded. “Okay, sure. Give me two minutes?”
“Fine. I’ll meet you by the elevators.”
I spent the short time waiting for Ben by calling Sharon Adams and inviting her to lunch. She thankfully agreed.
“Tell me about the baby,” I said, reaching for my iced tea. Sharon sat back, beaming with pride.
“He’s so beautiful, Jack. And Billy is beside himself with joy. Nothing makes me happier than seeing my son happy. And Jerome…oh my goodness, that boy has more parenting instincts than most mothers I know with six kids. He’s a natural. Fearless.”
“Really? I’d be scared to death I’d break him in two minutes flat.”
Sharon chuckled. “You’re always too hard on yourself, Jack. You need to work on that. I’m sure if you and Sam ever decide to have children, you’ll be wonderful parents.”
“Sam will, for sure,” I said, staring into my glass. Sharon was quiet. I could feel her eyes studying me.
“Tell me about your visit with Sam’s family. How’d it go?” she asked. I told her the highlights, smiling as I remembered the twins’ antics. Sharon looked over at Ben, sitting at a nearby table with his phone to his ear, and mouthed a thank you for his help in rescuing Cam from the pool accident. He nodded, not knowing what she was thanking him for.
“So it sounds like all is well on the family front. But something’s still troubling you, isn’t it? Do you want to talk about it?” asked Sharon. I nodded, looking back down into my iced tea. Our waiter arrived with our salads, giving me a moment to collect my thoughts. The aromas of Italian spices and garlic-infused tomato sauce permeated the air of The Old Spaghetti Factory restaurant.
“Do you remember when I first came to Denver?” I said.
“Of course, baby.”
“Well, I don’t know if Billy told you or not, but I had a problem at the hotel,” I said.
Sharon sat her fork down and stared at me, wide-eyed. “Billy never said a word. What happened? Why didn’t you tell Clyde?”
“There was nothing he could do. Anyway, Billy handled it. It’s just…now it’s a thing again, and Sam and I…I don’t know. He’s mad at me, and I…” I trailed off, looking away, trying not to break down.
Sharon reached across the table and put her hand on top of mine. “Take a minute, baby, then start at the beginning. Tell me everything.”
I took another sip of tea, a very deep breath, and told her. I couldn’t look at her while I repeated what Miguel had done.
“Oh, Jack, I’m so sorry you had to go through such a thing. How awful. Are you okay?” said Sharon.
“I thought I was. I mean, it happened months ago, and I just put it out of my mind. But now he wants to meet with me, and I…I just don’t want to do it. Sam says I’ll regret not helping the guy. Help him how? Do what? And why should I?” I said, dropping my hands on the table and making the silverware dance.
“Sorry,” I whispered. Sharon patted my hand again.
“It’s quite alright, baby. I understand. Did Ben say why this man wants to meet you?”
“Not really. Well, he said he wants to make amends, whatever that means. Ben said he would be there with me, so according to him, I have nothing to fear.”
“Hmmm…I see,” said Sharon. She sat there and studied me. I squirmed in my seat under her penetrating gaze. Maybe I should have skipped lunch.
“So what are you afraid of?” she asked out of nowhere.
I inhaled sharply. I was so busy being pissed off I had missed it. She was right, I was afraid. Crap! My hands started shaking. I dropped them to my lap, out of sight.
Sharon smiled. “Jack, do you remember the letter you shared with me, the one from Amanda Franklin?” I nodded. “Didn’t she say something about doing it afraid?”
I sighed. “Yes, but this is different.”
“I see. How so?”
“I don’t know, it just is. Meeting this guy is not something I need to do,” I said, looking down into my nearly empty iced tea glass.
“I see.”
“What? What do you see that I don’t?” I whined.
“Maybe you do need to meet with him,” said Sharon softly.
“Why?” I said, challenging her with a look. “What could I possibly gain from reliving that moment?”
She didn’t back down. She carefully placed her fork across her salad plate and looked me in the eyes. I could feel her love like a tangible force leaping across the table. I could hardly breathe under the weight of it. And suddenly I knew what I was afraid of.
I let the tears fall silently. Sharon waited patiently while a sudden wave of sadness washed over me. I reached for my linen napkin and dabbed at my eyes.
“I felt so weak,” I whispered. “I couldn’t defend myself. I was so scared. If Billy hadn’t come up to find me…”
Sharon grabbed my hand again. “It’s okay, baby. You’re safe now.”
I nodded. “But Sam…”
“What about Sam?”
I sighed and looked down at the table. “I don’t want him to know.”
“Know what?”
“How dirty and ashamed I feel,” I whispered.
Sharon was silent as our waiter placed heaping plates of pasta with meat sauce in front of us. I was hungry, but the thought of eating made me nauseous.
Sharon didn’t touch her food, either. “Jack…baby…Sam loves you,” she said softly. “He won’t think any less of you in this. And you have to know you have nothing to be ashamed of. You did nothing wrong. You didn’t ask this…this cretin…to do what he did. Look at me, baby.”
I lifted my head to look into her moist eyes. “You aren’t the same scared little boy you were when you first came to town. You’re stronger, smarter, and Lord knows a whole lot richer. And not just in money, either. You aren’t alone anymore. You have Sam, and family and friends who also love you and support you. I believe in you, Jack. We all do,” she said, squeezing my hand across the table.
I gave her a thin smile. “Thank you, I appreciate it,” I said. “I just wish I believed in myself, sometimes.”
“We all struggle with it some days,” said Sharon. “The important thing is, you don’t let anyone keep you down. Including you.” She pushed a bony finger into the top of my hand to make her point.
“I know you’re right, I just can’t seem to snap out of it today,” I said with a deep sigh.
“You will. First, you need to make things right with Sam. Talk to him. I know it’s hard, but you need to trust him with your feelings,” said Sharon.
“If he’ll even speak to me again,” I said, looking away.
“Of course he will, baby. Why wouldn’t he?”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I was really ugly to him this morning.”
“Tell him you’re sorry, baby. And don’t ruin a good apology with an excuse. Be honest and tell him you’re scared.”
I stared at my spaghetti. “Relationships are hard.”
“Forever’s even harder, baby. But you and Sam…you got this. Don’t be afraid of bumps in the road. They keep things interesting,” said Sharon. I looked up at her big, bold smile. I felt better.
“Thank you for believing in me. I knew if I talked to you, you could help me deal with…whatever this is,” I said.
“My pleasure, baby. Now let’s eat,” she said, rubbing her hands together in anticipation.
“Ugh. Who could eat all this?”
“I can, baby, I can. Just watch me,” she said, slurping a spaghetti noodle into her mouth with a grin.
She ate every bite. I only finished half of mine. Our waiter brought me a to-go container for the rest.
“Maybe I can give this to Sam as a peace offering. The man loves to eat,” I said with a thin grin.
“Whatever it takes, baby,” said Sharon. I nodded. I could do this. I signed the check and handed Sharon one of the chocolate mints our waiter left on the table. I unwrapped the other and popped it into my mouth.
“Can Ben and I drop you back at the office?” I asked.
“I think I better walk,” she said, getting to her feet. “I ate too much. I can’t be fallin’ asleep at my desk this afternoon.”
She opened her arms and swallowed me into a warm, wonderful hug.
“Thank you again for meeting me.”
“Anytime, baby. Behave yourself, and stay out of trouble,” she said.
“Yes, ma’am.”
Sharon stopped next to Ben, who was standing by the door, waiting for us. She put a hand on his arm. “Watch over my baby, now. You hear me?” she said.
“Yes, ma’am,” said Ben, smiling.
I needed to make things right with Sam. I thought about having Ben drive me home, but maybe Sam didn’t want to talk to me right now. It could turn ugly, and I didn’t want Charles caught in the middle, either. The less explaining I had to do about the Miguel situation, the better. I decided to call Sam from the relative privacy of my office. Now I just needed to slip in unseen.
Ben seemed a little on edge – well, more than usual – as we walked across the pedestrian bridge from the garage into my building. He kept looking behind us.
“I thought you said he wasn’t dangerous,” I said.
“What?”
“Miguel?”
“Oh…he’s not. Don’t worry about him.”
“So why are you wound up?” I asked.
“I’m not.”
“Ben…we are together the better part of every day. I think I know when you’re agitated. What gives?”
He sighed. “Do you have to see everything?” He gave me a thin smile.
“I care. Sue me,” I said with a grin.
He sighed. “Fine. I was half expecting Peggy to be here. She said she needed to talk to me today. Said it was important.”
“You guys okay?” I asked.
“Yeah…I think so. I mean…we talked and everything,” he said.
“Have you decided how you’re going to work your schedule yet?”
“Not…exactly. There’s the matter of you guys moving to St. Louis in a few weeks. I’m assuming you’ll want me there?”
“Yes, we do. But I might have an idea that could help with your little problem,” I said.
“Oh, really? And what’s that?” asked Ben.
“Let me think on it some more. I need to talk to Ron first. You just keep planning our security detail in St. Louis, but make sure it’s not dependent on you being the main guy 24/7.”
“What are you doing, Jack? You can’t tell me how to do my job. That’s not how it works.”
“I’m not. But you can’t very well have a relationship with Peggy if she’s here in Denver and you’re in St. Louis all the time. And she obviously can’t pick up and move her business to St. Louis, either. She’s worked too hard to build up her clientele here.”
“Tell me something I don’t know,” he said.
“You love her,” I said softly.
He stopped walking and turned to me. “Yeah…I do. So tell me, how the hell is this supposed to work?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I have my own relationship problems at the moment, in case you didn’t notice.”
He waved a hand at nothing. “You and Sam will be fine. You just need to talk to him,” said Ben.
I nodded. “And you just need to keep talking to Peggy. Where there’s a will, there’s a way, my grandmother always says. I’ll help you guys in any way I can.”
He nodded and turned away. Conversation over.
As we stepped off the elevator, Josie grabbed Ben by the arm. She started to say something, but took one glance at me and stopped.
Ben tensed up, reading something in her eyes. He leaned over toward me and said, “You in for the afternoon?”
“Uh…yeah…I think so,” I replied. He nodded and Josie followed him toward the kitchen, speaking in hushed tones. I shrugged and kept moving toward my office.
Margie looked up from her computer as I approached, her eyes full of questions. I gave her a weak smile.
“I have a call to make,” I said. “We’ll talk after, okay?” She nodded, then glanced at my door with apprehension. I stopped.
“Everything okay?” I asked.
“Just be nice,” she said, jerking her head toward my office door. I hesitated.
“Who’s here?” I asked, as my stomach flip-flopped.
“Just go in, Jack. It’s fine. I’m here if you need me for anything.”
I frowned, annoyed with all the secrecy. I paused at my door, took a deep breath, and entered.
He was standing by the windows with his back to me. I inhaled sharply, then closed the door slowly and leaned back on it, nervous tension racing up and down my spine. My hands trembled. I squeezed the door handle to still them, and focused on breathing. In and out, in and out.
He turned to face me. He’d been crying. A lot, from the look of his red-rimmed eyes and flushed cheeks. Suddenly nothing mattered anymore. I let go of my earlier angst, along with the door handle, and crossed the carpet. He met me halfway and tentatively opened his arms. I buried my face in his chest as he wrapped me up. Sam put his head on my shoulder, and we clung to each other like life preservers in a raging storm. I managed to hold any tears at bay for the moment.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered into his chest. He hugged me even tighter.
“Shhh,” he whispered into my ear. “It’s okay. Everything’s gonna be alright. I’m here now…where I should have been all along.”
Something in his tone worried me. I leaned back and he relaxed his hold just enough that I could look up into his troubled blue eyes. “What’s going on? Why ARE you here, Sam?”
He sighed and looked away, fighting more tears. I gently touched his cheek and pulled his face back to look into his eyes. “Talk to me, big guy.”
He dropped his hands to his sides, and I instantly felt cold. “I don’t know what to say…except…I’m so sorry, Jack.”
“For what? I’m the one who was out of line this morning. I should have never slammed the door in your face. That will never happen again, I promise.”
He rubbed my upper arm and smiled thinly. “It’s okay. Don’t worry about it. Besides, I deserved it. I was being a selfish jerk or…I don’t know what I was thinking. How could I have been so blind?” He was really torn up inside.
I grabbed his hand and led him to the leather couch against the wall. We sat down, and I held on to his hand in my lap.
“What’s going on, Sam?”
“I didn’t get it. This guy…this creep…molested you, and I pushed you to meet with him. You must think I’m a monster,” he said, looking down at his feet.
“Hey…hey…Sam…look at me, big guy,” I pleaded. He slowly lifted his head and gave me his eyes. “I love you. You’re no monster. And I know you weren’t trying to hurt me.”
“But I did, didn’t I?”
I sighed. “I was hurting, Sam, yes, but not because of you. I was scared. Yeah, I was mad, but that was just to cover the fear.”
“You were afraid? Of me?”
Tears threatened. I squeezed his hand and forced myself to look into his eyes. “I didn’t want you to think less of me, after what Miguel did. I didn’t want you to look at me through…”
He silenced me with a deep, intense kiss as he held my face in his hands. The dam broke, and our tears flowed freely, mixing together and running down our cheeks. Most of my fears washed away with them.
When Sam pulled back, I stared into his eyes through a foggy haze, looking for something – a sign, a confidence he wasn’t disgusted with me.
“Stop,” he said. “I don’t think any less of you, Jack. I could never. And you shouldn’t think less of yourself…though from what Kat said, you might.”
I inhaled sharply. “You talked to Kat about this?” I asked.
Sam looked pained. “Please don’t be mad,” said Sam. “I thought…because of what she told us…about her…I don’t know, I thought she could help me understand.”
I looked away. Sam squeezed my hand and I grabbed his with my other one. “It’s okay,” I said. “I’m not mad. I trust Kat. I just don’t think…I mean…what happened to me is nothing like what happened to her. Not even close.”
“Are you sure?” said Sam softly.
I looked at him. “Yeah…I’m sure. Miguel pawed me a little, and pushed me up against a wall. But he didn’t…he didn’t rape me. I’m not even sure it would have come to that. Thankfully Billy stopped…” I pulled my hands from Sam’s grasp and covered my face with them, trying not to hyperventilate. What the hell? My whole body started shaking and I felt sick to my stomach.
“Jack…what’s happening?”
I shook my head. I didn’t know. I couldn’t stop shaking. Sam didn’t hesitate. He reached around me and pulled me into him sideways. I leaned against his chest as tremors coursed through my body. I was scared.
Sam kept whispering encouraging things, telling me I was safe. I only half heard him. I was focused on the images flashing through my mind – being bullied by my brother again and again, kids in school, threats from my cousins over the years, and finally Miguel pushing me up against that wall in the hotel, his hot, rancid breath on my neck. I closed my eyes and tried to think of something – anything – else.
The tremors subsided, and my pulse stopped racing. I was queasy, but I didn’t think I was going to vomit anymore. Sam never relaxed his hold on me, and I didn’t try to get free.
“Are you okay?” said Sam.
“I don’t know…I think so. What happened?”
“You were talking about Miguel and suddenly lost all focus. I was hoping you could tell me.”
I knew. I just didn’t want Sam to know. “Um…I’d rather not talk about it,” I said.
Sam sat up straighter and turned me to face him. I thought he would be mad, but he just looked sad. “I won’t push you, but I hope someday you can trust me,” he said.
I owed him my trust. He had trusted me with his deepest darkest pains with Jeremy. How could I hold back on him? I took a deep breath and mentally braced myself.
“I’ve been bullied most of my life, Sam. I’m smaller, and gay, and an easy target. I never learned how to stand up for myself, so I survived by avoiding certain…situations. This whole Miguel thing is bringing up a lot of junk from my past I would prefer stay buried. That’s why I don’t want to meet him…I’m scared of what just happened. I feel so weak, and I hate that feeling.”
“But you’re not weak, Jack. You’re one of the…”
“Please don’t say it,” I said, standing up and turning to face him. “I know I’m strong in some ways. But not when it comes to defending myself, physically. I freeze up and fold like a house of cards.”
Sam stood beside me, reaching for my hand. “But I’m here. And we have Ben and the team.” I shook his hand off and walked toward the windows.
“That just makes it worse,” I said, barely above a whisper. Sam came and stood behind me, close, but not touching. For the first time since we met, he didn’t know what to do. Neither did I.
I looked out at my beloved mountains, so stable, so immovable. Nature’s fury didn’t scare them. Season after season, they remained. Sam was a rock. Ben was a whole mountain range. I was more like a small hill of sand that shifted when the wind blew too hard. I sighed.
Sam put a tentative hand on my shoulder, and I reached up to grab it. He scooted closer until most of his torso was touching mine. I could fight against it, but he did make me feel safer, and a big part of that safety stemmed from his physical presence. I needed him.
I leaned back into him, putting my head on his neck. “I’m sorry I’m such a mess, Sam. I’m sure you didn’t bargain for all this drama.”
He chuckled in my ear, then wrapped his arms around me, pulling me tight. “You are my mess. My handsome, sexy, wonderful mess. And I love you.”
“I love you back,” I whispered.
I had just started to enjoy his hardness pressing into my ass when my office door burst open. “But you can’t go in there! He’s in a meeting,” yelled Margie in the background.
I spun around faster than Sam, and somehow hit him in the jaw with a flying hand. He yelped and stepped aside. Ben stood in the middle of my office, fuming. Margie chewed her pen furiously. Sam rubbed his sore jaw.
“Can I help you?” I asked with surprising calm.
“Where the hell have you been?” hissed Ben toward Sam.
“Here,” Sam mumbled.
“And did you bother to tell anyone at the house you were leaving?” asked Ben.
“Oh…uh…no, I guess I forgot,” said Sam.
Ben’s neck was red and he was getting loud. “You forgot? And where is your panic device?”
“Uh…at home on my dresser?” said Sam, sheepishly. I reached into my pocket to make sure I had mine.
“ How the fuck…excuse me, Margie…how the hell am I supposed to keep you two safe, when you won’t follow protocol?” asked Ben, glowering at Sam.
“Fuck if I know,” said Margie, waving her half-chewed pen, and I chuckled. I caught Ben stifling a smile. Sam was smiling and wincing at the same time. Margie looked at us like we were all nuts.
“If you boys don’t need me, I’ll be at my desk. Play nice,” she said, pointing her pen at us, then turned and walked out. She was worth every penny I was paying her and then some.
I managed to get a hold of myself, and kissed Sam’s cheek to make it feel better. I think it just hurt him more. He opened and closed his mouth slowly to work out the kinks.
“What gives?” asked Ben, calmer now.
“I’m sorry,” said Sam. “You have every right to be pissed…I wasn’t thinking. I just…what can I say, I needed to see Jack. I didn’t have time to wait for you to come get me…or whatever.”
Ben sighed. “If you would have called me, I would have had one of the guys at the house bring you here. They’ve been scouring the grounds for two hours, looking for you.”
“I said I was sorry. What else do you want from me?” said Sam.
“I want you to do what you’re told!” yelled Ben.
“I needed to be with Jack! I was worried about him!” yelled Sam.
“So call me, and I would have told you he was alright!”
“He’s not alright. Look at him!”
Ben turned to face me. I stood in front of my desk, shaking again, and getting more pissed off at the both of them by the second. I stared Ben down, daring him to challenge me. I looked at Sam and he blanched.
“Both of you…stop it,” I said. “I’m sick of this…whatever the hell this is. I’m not some thing to be fought over. Everybody take two steps back and take a damn breath.”
Sam smiled at me, and I pointed a finger at him, fighting a grin. “Don’t you dare. It’s not the same thing, and you know it.” He shrugged and kept grinning.
“What the hell is going on?” asked Ben.
“It’s complicated,” I said.
“Jack…you guys have to cooperate with security or it’s meaningless. We’ve been over this a hundred times,” said Ben.
“And do we not, for the most part, do everything you ask?” I said.
“Well…yes, you do, but…”
“Okay then. Today was a fluke. In case you haven’t noticed, this Miguel situation has everything upside down, and you aren’t helping things, pushing for a meeting with the creep,” I said.
Ben threw his hands in the air. “For the last time, I don’t give a fuck if you meet with him or not. I told you that this morning.”
“Then why the heavy push?” asked Sam. “You have to admit, you gave us a hard sell.”
Ben sighed. “Look, talk to him, don’t talk to him. I don’t care.” But obviously he did.
“Tell me the truth, Ben. Why does it matter so much to you?” I asked.
He looked at me, then at the floor. He walked to the couch and sat down, his hands on his knees. “Look, the guy screwed up, no doubt. But he’s trying to pull out of it. He’s in AA and he’s just trying to do right, now.”
“Okay…but what’s any of that got to do with me?” I asked.
Ben ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know, I just…I’ve seen what you’ve done for other people, and I just thought you might listen to him, and maybe…encourage him somehow? Work some of your Jack Schaeffer magic for him? The guy’s had it rough, I think.”
Ben looked at me, and I saw something I hadn’t really noticed before – respect, or something like it anyway. He really thought I could do something for Miguel, though I couldn’t imagine what, myself. Nor did I want to, if I was honest.
It’s a funny thing when you come face to face with people’s expectations of you, especially when they expect more of you than you do of yourself. Sam had echoed a similar idea that morning – I would regret not helping Miguel. Maybe he was right, and it had nothing to do with Miguel at all. Maybe what I would regret was not being who I wanted to be – the guy who helped people in need.
I sighed. “Fine, I’ll do it,” I said. “When can we meet with him?”
“What?” said Sam, dropping his hand from his sore cheek. “Jack…are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure. If Ben thinks my talking to Miguel can help with whatever he’s trying to make right, I guess I should do it. But you both have to be there, or I’m not going.”
Ben stood up. “I’ll make the call and let you know. When are you thinking?”
“Tonight…before I change my mind.”
“Fine.” Turning to Sam, he said, “You’re staying, right?” Sam nodded.
“Give me the keys,” said Ben. He held out his hand and Sam reluctantly handed over the keys to the truck. “I’ll have someone drive it home. You two stay in the office until I get things squared away for this meeting. Got it?” We both nodded.
Ben turned and walked out my office door, and Margie filled the void he just left.
“You boys get things worked out?” she asked with a smile.
“Uh…more or less,” I said. Sam and I grinned at each other.
“Good. Now that you’ve settled your little tiff, can we get some work done? Jack, I need your signatures on some papers, and Will really needs to see you today.”
“Okay. Give me ten minutes, and I’m all yours,” I said.
“I’ll give you five,” she said, walking out in an exaggerated huff.
“You see what I’ve got to put up with around here? They push me around like I’m nobody,” I said in mock petulance.
Sam laughed. “You love it. And they love you.”
“Maybe. Sorry you’re stuck here instead of at home, tearing stuff up with Charles. Hey…did Sheila Weinkopf ever call you about the bathrooms?”
Sam walked over and put his arms around my waist. “Yeah. She’s coming out on Thursday. Charles said he and Maggie have an appointment with a doctor tomorrow so we couldn’t do it then.”
“Right. She told me that yesterday. Please make sure he goes, Sam. I’m worried about him. How was he today?”
“Pissed at me. He’s the reason I finally called Kat this morning. I was so in my head about you he told me to get over it or get out.”
“Wow. Why? What were you doing?”
“Not much. Mostly standing around, just getting in the way. I wasn’t paying attention when he pulled down the shower door, and it hit me in the shoulder. Nearly knocked me down.”
I rubbed his shoulders carefully. “You aren’t hurt, are you?”
“No. But he tore into me after that. He was right, of course. So I called Kat, and she set me straight. I came right here.”
“Is Charles okay by himself?”
“I think so. But I’ve got to tell you, I think we might need more help. It’s a big job, and Charles is handy. But aside from design help, we might need some skilled labor, too.”
“We can talk to Simon. Maybe the guy who did the work here can help out.”
“Look at you,” said Sam, smiling. “You’ve got a guy for this, and a guy for that.”
I smiled and let my fingers play with his chest hair, peeking out from his open collar. “It’s a good thing, because I feel about as useful as a pen without ink around here.”
“Stop. You’re nothing of the sort. Your team needs you.”
I laid my cheek on his chest. “So I’m told – again and again. Not sure I’m buying it, but whatever.” Thankfully Sam just left my comment alone. I wasn’t in the mood to discuss my work, anyway.
“Did you and Kat talk about coming out for a visit?” I asked. He stood up straighter, and I smiled.
“Yes. She thinks they could swing the middle of August, before the twins start school. What do you think?”
I leaned back and looked into his sparkling blue eyes. “I think we need to make that happen. And call your mother, too. She wants to come for a visit. Might as well have them all out at the same time.”
“Cool. We have the wedding the first weekend in August, right?”
I dropped my arms and stepped back. “Crap! I totally forgot. But I think it’s the second weekend, not the first. I’ll have to check. Oh, man…I’ll probably have to be there early for tux fitting and rehearsals and…ugh, why did I say yes?”
Sam reached out for my hand. “Because he’s your friend. It’ll be fine, Jack. I’m looking forward to a visit to Chicago. I’ve never been.”
“Don’t get too excited. It’s just the suburbs. Not a mountain or an ocean in sight.”
He shrugged. “I don’t care about the scenery, Jack. I want to see where you lived and worked. Get a sense of your history.”
I looked down at my feet, and Sam gently lifted my chin and looked into my eyes. “Don’t do that,” he whispered. “It wasn’t all bad, right?”
I sighed. “No, I guess not. Not really. It’s just…I like who I am now, not that guy.”
“You know, that guy is a part of who you are today. You do realize that, right?”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Think about it. Your character, your heart for helping people…that was all forged in the pressure of your previous life. You didn’t develop all that in the last few months.”
“But I never did anything for anyone back then. Not really,” I said, confused.
“I’ll bet you did, just not on the scale you can now. You didn’t have the kind of resources you have now, financially, but you did have your heart. The hardships and injustices you experienced growing up, being alone in a strange city…all of it helped make you into the man you are right now standing in front of me. It all mattered, Jack.”
“You really think so?” I asked.
“I know so. Every day, we become more and more who we are, and who we will ultimately be. Every conversation, every interaction has the potential to change us, to mold us into something new.”
I smiled. “I like how you’ve molded me, Sam. I’m so different now, and it’s because of you.” I put my head on his chest and he wrapped me in his arms.
“We both are,” he whispered. “And it’s all good.”
Sam hung out with me for the rest of the afternoon. Now that I was less wrought up about meeting Miguel, I put that whole situation into a mental box and stuck it on a shelf in the back of my brain. I signed a stack of papers for Margie. I whipped through my backlog of emails. Most were just notes letting me know what the guys were working on and didn’t require any response.
I confirmed with Danny and Simon I would participate in the meetings with consultants for the new hotel system development project. I wanted to see real tech consultants in action. Going to school and getting a degree was one thing, but becoming a true consultant would take time and experience. Might as well learn from the experts.
Sam was asleep on my couch, when I kneeled down and kissed his cheek. He smiled before opening his eyes.
“Hey there,” he said.
“Hey,” I whispered. “You awake?”
“I am now,” he said, slowly sitting up and rubbing his eyes. He raised his arms to stretch, and his shirt lifted, revealing the treasure trail of hair on his lower abs. I wanted him to pin me to the floor and take me right there, but Margie spoiled my plans.
“Do you two ever give it a rest?” she said behind me.
“What?” asked Sam.
“Never mind her,” I said. “Is there something you need?”
“Yes…I need you to go see Will. He’s wearing a rut in the carpet between his office and my desk.”
“What’s so bloody important?” I said, a little too loudly.
“I don’t know!” said Margie. “But he’s driving me bonkers. Is that chocolate on your face?” she asked Sam, hands on her hips. I wiped the spot off his cheek with my finger, and he grabbed my hand, and sucked my finger into this mouth. I gasped, feeling tingles far below.
“Mmmm…yep. Chocolate,” he moaned around my finger.
“Did you eat ALL the cookies in the kitchen?” asked Margie.
“No. I left a few.”
“You better hope so. I’m craving chocolate chip cookies in the worst way.” And she was gone.
“Yikes. Is she always so testy?” asked Sam, standing up with me.
“Lately, yes. I’m sure it’s just some kind of pregnancy hormones. I have no idea,” I said.
“Remind me to stay out of her way until she has the baby.”
“Just how many cookies did you eat?” I asked.
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I was talking to Danny and we both had some. I wasn’t there long, so it couldn’t have been more than six.”
I shook my head. “How you aren’t four hundred pounds I’ll never know.” He grinned.
Our eyes connected, and he leaned over and kissed me gently. I could still taste the faint flavor of chocolate on his lips.
“We should probably go see Will,” he whispered against my lips.
“Will who?” I replied. He smiled, and I kissed him harder. He didn’t seem to mind. Sam’s hands found my ass and pulled me tightly into his body. I reached around his shoulders and held on as hard as I could. He lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist, burying my tongue deeper into his mouth. Just when I thought he might throw me down on the couch, he put me down, panting.
“I…oh, fuck…I…I gotta stop. I can’t breathe,” he said. He bent over to catch his breath.
I reached into my pants to adjust my rigid, leaking dick to a more comfortable position. My fingers came out sticky with precum. Sam saw it and reached for my hand.
He had my fingers to his lips when I pulled back. “You suck my fingers again and you better be prepared to fuck me into tomorrow,” I said. He grinned.
“You like that?” I nodded, biting my lower lip. He growled and pulled me closer, looking deep into my eyes. “When I get you home tonight, I plan on sucking more than your fingers, little man.” Staring into his blazing blue eyes, my knees faltered and I might have whimpered.
I buried my face into his chest and listened to his pounding heart. He wrapped his strong arms around my shoulders and held me close. Standing there together, I thought about his earlier comment. Every minute with Sam was molding us into the men we were meant to be.
When Sam and I found Will in his office, he jumped up and said to follow him to the conference room. He was as excited as the twins when they received their XBox on their birthday.
“Take a seat where you can see the big screen,” said Will. Sam and I sat next to each other and held hands on the table.
“This is so cool. Wait till you guys see this,” said Will, futzing with the laptop computer in front of him. I looked at Sam and he gave me a goofy grin. I smiled and turned back to Will. Suddenly the big screen lit up with a brilliant blue background and a logo for Schaeffer and Associates. I had never seen it before.
“Who did that?” I asked.
“You don’t like it?” asked Will.
“No…I love it. But who did it?”
“Um…I did. I just threw something together to have on the screen, really. We can change it. It’s nothing official.”
“It’s cool. Don’t change it,” said Sam.
“Yeah…don’t change it. Tell Todd I said to make it official,” I said.
“Okay. Well…that’s not what I wanted you to see, but…cool. We have a logo.”
“Show us what you’ve got,” I said, sitting back and giving him my full attention.
He grinned and took a deep breath. “You remember how we talked about you running things from St. Louis?” I nodded. “Well, my team and I have put together this awesome suite of tools so you can function almost like you’re physically here. Watch.”
A few mouse clicks and suddenly we were looking at ourselves on the screen. We could see the entire conference room in crystal clear clarity. Another mouse click and the right hand one-third of the screen went white. Will stood up and walked to a whiteboard hanging on the wall to my left. He grabbed a marker and scribbled a few lines on the board. They appeared immediately on the screen.
“This is what you will see in your office in St. Louis. We’ll do a similar setup there, so we can see you. Plus it’s got some cool audio features and mobile apps, so if you aren’t at home but you need to call in, we can do it that way. Oh…and the best part? It’s totally secure. No one, not even the NSA, could hack the encryption. Isn’t it awesome?”
I smiled. “It’s awesome, alright. But how do I talk to you guys?”
He pointed to a round, black and silver disc sitting in the middle of the conference table. It looked a bit like a flying saucer, and little green men were about to come marching out the side. “We’ve got these cool conference telephones that tie into our VOIP system.”
“Our what?” I said.
“Our Voice Over Internet Phone system. We don’t have traditionally wired phones or a switch here. It’s all internet driven. We’ll set up a regular phone and the conference phone for your home office, and it will ring, just like your extension here. It’ll be like you’re on the other side of the building, not a thousand miles away.”
“So much for working in your underwear, Jack,” said Sam. Will laughed. I blushed.
We spent another twenty minutes, oohing and aahing over the the tech gadgets and software. It really was amazing what Will and his team came up with. I was grateful I could still be connected to my team, and at the same time, apprehensive about the future. I wondered how successful I would be at juggling everything once school started in the Fall.
We stood up to leave. “Hey, Will,” said Sam. “Did Simon factor all this fancy office stuff into the remodel of the St. Louis house?”
“I think so. I gave him all the specs a week ago. You’ll have to ask him,” said Will.
We found Simon in his office, running numbers through a complicated Excel spreadsheet.
“Hey, guys. What’s doing?” he asked. We sat down in the two chairs in front of his desk.
“We just came from Will,” I said. “He was showing us the high tech conference stuff.”
“Pretty cool, huh?”
“Yeah. But Sam had a question,” I said. Simon looked at Sam.
“I don’t remember any fancy office in the St. Louis house. So where is all that equipment supposed to go?” asked Sam.
“We made some changes,” said Simon. He stood up and pointed to his small table by the windows. “Come over here and I’ll show you.”
We stood around the table as he unrolled a set of large blueprints. I recognized the St. Louis house immediately. The interior was completely different.
“We opened everything up, removing as many non-load bearing interior walls as we could. So now you have this larger main living room that merges into the open kitchen concept. There’s a powder room down this hallway, out of sight. The french doors off the back open up to the patio and pool area. Down this hallway are the laundry room and a guest bedroom with its own full bath.”
“I hardly recognize it. This is amazing,” said Sam.
“There’s more.” Simon pulled back the first blue print page and left it dangling off the edge of the table. The new page revealed the second floor layout. “We expanded the master bedroom out over the garage, and added a bigger master bath.”
“Wait…what garage? I thought there was only an unattached garage at the back of the property,” I said.
“Right. But Ben nixed that as a security concern. So we added a two car garage to this side of the house. We would have done three, but there wasn’t room on the lot. But we pushed the back of the garage out, so you can still fit three cars in there, if you need to. And there’s a door in the back, too, so you can drive through the garage to the buildings in the back.”
“What buildings?” asked Sam.
“Remember the pool house?” said Simon. We nodded. “Well, Jack and I talked, and we’re expanding that into its own standalone apartment. For the caretakers, right?”
Sam looked at me. “Charles and Maggie?” I nodded. “Cool,” he said. “But where’s the office? I only see two other regular bedrooms on the second floor. What’s this staircase here in the middle?”
“Right,” said Simon. “That goes up to the third floor and your shared office.”
“Uh…what third floor?” I said.
“The one we added, just for your office and all the fancy tech.” Sam whistled and started pacing. He didn’t look too happy.
“What’s wrong, Sam?” I asked.
“What’s right? I mean…what the hell? The house was already more than we needed, and now…it’s like, what…twice the size? It’s a monstrosity. The neighbors will hate us before we ever get there.”
I looked at Simon for help. He nodded. “Sam, come look at this. I think it will set your mind at ease.” Sam took a deep breath and came back to the table as Simon turned to another page in the stack of blueprints. This one showed the front elevation of the newly designed house.
“That’s with all the additions?” asked Sam, as he studied the plans. It was beautiful, and preserved much of the original design of the house. If anything, it looked more balanced and symmetrical.
“Geez, you’re like a fucking wizard or something,” said Sam, wowed by the new design. “It’s amazing. Were there any problems with the neighbors?”
“I had the designer talk with the immediate neighbor on the one side, and they said as long as the construction could be done quickly, they were fine with it. If anything, it will pull up property values on the street. So it’s a win-win.”
“Can they really get all this done in a month?” I asked.
“The general contractor told me yesterday that even with the changes to the pool house, we are on schedule. Everything should be wrapped up a week before your classes start.”
Sam was still studying the plans. He had pulled the first floor blueprint back up and pointed to a door and a staircase in the center of the drawing.
“That’s the stairs to the basement level,” said Simon.
“What’s down there?” asked Sam.
“That’s for me to know, and you to stay out of,” said Ben from behind us. I jumped and spun around.
“Holy crap, you scared me. How long have you been standing there?” I asked.
He smiled. “Relax. I just came by to tell you we are all set for this evening.” I glanced at Sam and he studied my face. I felt strangely peaceful on the inside. I nodded to Ben.
Sam wasn’t giving up. “So tell me, what’s downstairs?”
Ben walked to the table and nodded to Simon. “We set up the lower level for the security team. There are three small bedrooms, a full bath, and a common room. Ben will set up his surveillance center down there, and there’s even a hidden egress to the backyard through here,” said Simon, pointing to a narrow passage beside the staircase.
“You’re thinking a team, and not just you?” I asked.
He nodded. “That’s the working plan at the moment. I could just lock you in the tower and save us all the hassle. You could grow your hair out and Sam could climb up to visit.”
“Ha ha, very funny,” I said, grinning. He smiled. I looked at Sam, but he was walking over to the windows, a scowl on his face. I joined him.
“He was joking, big guy,” I whispered.
“What? Oh…no, it’s not that.”
“Then what? Talk to me,” I said, putting my arms around him, and peering over his shoulder.
“It’s so much, just for me to go to school. I didn’t…I don’t…”
“Shhh…it’s not just for you, Sam. It’s for us…you and me. I’m going to school, too. Unfortunately, our lifestyle comes with an entourage and a ton of overhead.”
I felt him smile. “Listen to you, you sound like a business owner,” he said.
I smiled against his shoulder. “Fortunately, we have the resources and the team to handle this. And it beats sharing a dorm room, right?”
“Maybe, but damn…that house is fucking huge now. You better budget for a cleaning service, because there’s no way you and I can manage all that and go to school full time and run a business.”
I shuddered, thinking about it all. “You think we can pull this off?” I whispered.
“We have to. We promised my dad.”
I sighed. “And so we shall.” I held on to him even tighter.
We had dinner at the restaurant in the Hyatt hotel. Predictably, I could barely eat anything. Sam wolfed down his steak and fingerling potatoes, plus a baby kale caesar salad and most of a basket of bread. I picked at my herb-roasted chicken and ignored the green beans on my plate.
“You drink any more iced tea and you’ll be in the bathroom every ten minutes,” said Sam with a grin. I put down my drained glass and stared into the few remaining ice cubes. Sam reached across the table and touched my hand. I gave him a thin smile.
“Are you okay? We can just go home,” said Sam.
I shook my head. “No…I want to get this over with. Where are we meeting him, anyway?”
“Ben said he talked the hotel manager into giving us a small private room. Shouldn’t take long. Then we can go home and put all this behind us,” said Sam. I nodded and picked at my chicken some more. I glanced at my watch – twenty minutes to go. I sighed, willing time to move faster.
Sam declined dessert and I paid the bill. Ben had skipped dinner and lingered in the lobby, keeping us in sight. He was dining with Peggy later. He joined us as we exited the restaurant.
“I need to pee,” I said.
“I’ll bet you do,” said Sam. I rolled my eyes, and he grinned. Ben pointed to the restrooms down the hallway and I made use of the facilities. Back in the lobby, Sam and Ben were both looking at their phones, not a care in the world. I fought back a fresh wave of nausea. Ben checked his watch and nodded.
“Okay, it’s time. We’re one floor up. Sam, are you joining us?”
“Yes,” I said before he could answer. He nodded to Ben.
“Let’s roll,” said Ben. We followed him up a flight of stairs off the lobby to the conference room floor. He led us to a small boardroom near a huge ballroom. The sign on the brass plaque said it was the Summit Room.
I held my breath and Sam stood close to me, his hand firmly resting on the small of my back. Ben opened the door and I felt blood rushing through my head, making me dizzy, but I didn’t faint.
The room was empty save for a conference table, credenza, and large, framed white board hanging on the far wall.
“Guess we’re early,” said Ben. He pointed to the chairs on the far side of the table, and Sam pushed me gently in that direction. He pulled out a chair for me, and I fell into it. I crossed my arms and put my head down on the table. I focused on breathing, irritated with myself. I was tired of being scared.
Do it afraid, I heard a voice say inside my head. Fuck you, I replied silently.
Sam rubbed my back and was an oasis of calm and stability. Some of him seeped into me, and when there came a knock on the door, I didn’t jump. I did sit up, resigned to my fate.
Someone I didn’t recognize poked his head into the room. He was black, very thin, and had short gray hair. He smiled, excused himself, and asked if there was a Ben in the room. Ben was still standing in the corner closest to the door, and he stepped forward.
“I’m Ben. How can I help you?”
The stranger stuck his hand through the opening in the door, the rest of his body remaining in the hallway. “Bruce Templeton, nice to meet you. You have a minute?” he asked, glancing at Sam and me.
Ben looked my way for a second, then nodded and followed Mr. Templeton out of the room. Sam looked at me and I shrugged. I didn’t know what was going on, and by that point, I was hoping Miguel would be a no show.
No such luck. After less than a minute, the door opened again, and Ben entered, resuming his place in the corner. Mr. Templeton came in behind him, followed by Miguel Rojas.
I had zero reaction to seeing him again, which surprised the crap out of me. I figured I would be hyperventilating and trying not to vomit. He was nervous and stumbled getting to the chair Mr. Templeton held out for him. He sat across from me, and looked down at the table, his hands in his lap. He looked so much smaller than I remembered him. And much less threatening. Mr. Templeton sat next to him. Miguel looked up once and our eyes met, then he looked down again.
No one spoke. We sat in an awkward silence, waiting. It wasn’t my meeting, so I said nothing. Sam reached over and stroked my back, tracing up and down my spine. It helped.
“Mr. Templeton,” said Ben. “We’re here because Miguel asked for the meeting.”
The older man cleared his throat. “Right. Yes. Miguel, it’s time.” Miguel looked sideways at him, then back down at the table.
“I…um…uh…thank you for coming,” he said. “I’m grateful…I mean, I’m…I appreciate you taking the time to meet with me.” He was really struggling. Gone was the confident swagger, replaced by a scared little mouse. I shifted in my chair. I almost felt sorry for him.
He glanced up at me, then quickly back down at the table. “Mr. Schaeffer, I know…I mean…I owe you an apology. I know what I did…that was wrong, and I’m sorry. I can’t change it, and this meeting is not to try and make it up to you or anything. That’s not possible, I know. But I need you to know I’m working on making sure it never happens again – with anyone.”
He looked up at me and held my gaze. I searched his eyes and saw the sincerity in them. He was telling the truth. I nodded once, and we both exhaled. Ice broken, Miguel warmed to his narrative.
“I’m not making excuses, but I’m an alcoholic, and when I drink, I get hyper aggressive. I was drinking heavily the day I…well, you know. I wish I could say your friend scared me straight, but it took another incident, and losing my job over it.” He paused and took a deep breath.
“I joined Alcoholics Anonymous, and I’ve been sober for thirty-two days. I’m working hard on the twelve steps and I’m trying to make amends.” He stopped talking and everyone in the room looked at me.
I cleared my throat. “Uh…thank you…I guess…for the apology. I…uh…I don’t think there’s anything you can do to change what happened, but…I’m glad you’re getting some help.” If I had planned to say anything, that was it. But in the moment, I knew it wasn’t enough.
“I’m not mad at you, Miguel.” I felt Sam’s surprise without looking at him. “I was…but, it doesn’t matter now. I’m okay. The important thing is you’re getting help.”
He nodded and looked down at the table. He was almost in tears, and I didn’t think I could handle that.
“What are you doing? To make amends, I mean?” I said.
He sat up a little straighter and looked at Mr. Templeton. I was guessing he was Miguel’s AA sponsor. “Tell the man,” he said.
Miguel turned back to me. “I’m volunteering at Hope City. It’s a homeless shelter for abused and neglected youth. A lot of them…most of them…are LGBT kids abandoned by their families. I…um…I know what they’re going through, more or less, so I’m glad I can help.”
I saw a flash of profound sadness in his eyes. There was an untold story lurking behind them, but I wasn’t ready to wade any deeper into his drama. “What sort of things do you do there?” I asked, just to keep him talking on safer ground. The tension in the room dissipated.
“Oh…well, I help out with serving meals on weekends. And a couple of afternoons I stop by and just talk to the kids. They need someone they can trust. It’s hard. Most of them were treated like shit by their parents. I feel like…given what I did…it’s the only way I can make it right. Try to undo some of the hurt, I mean.”
“Have you?”
“I think so. A little. It’s tough. It’s hard for them to trust. I get it. But just being there, being a safe person to talk to, it helps. They tell me it’s a process. And it gives me a real reason to stay sober. I feel good about me when I’m there.” Mr. Templeton nodded.
Despite how I had felt earlier in the day, I was impressed with his efforts to right a serious wrong, the best way he could. He had caused a lot of pain, but now he was focused on trying to ease the pain of those less fortunate. I couldn’t imagine the nightmare those poor kids faced, being abandoned by their parents to the streets.
“Is there some way we can help?” I asked. Sam smiled next to me. I looked at Ben, who had a big grin across his face.
Miguel was not prepared for my response. He looked to Mr. Templeton for guidance. “Well…um…Mr. Schaeffer, that isn’t necessary. Making amends doesn’t mean you have to do anything on behalf of Miguel,” he said.
“I’m not doing anything for Miguel,” I said. “He’s doing what he needs to do for himself. But I want to help the kids at this place. What’s it called again?”
“Hope City,” said Miguel. “You should talk to the director, Mrs. Thorndale, but I do know they have clothing drives all the time. The kids need everything. They show up with the dirty clothes on their back and nothing else.”
I nodded. “We’ll look into it. Thanks for letting me know.”
No one seemed to have anything else to say. Mr. Templeton took charge. “Thank you, gentlemen, again, for agreeing to meet with us. It was important for Miguel’s continued sobriety. Perhaps even more good can come of this meeting.”
We didn’t shake hands or fist bump. No group hugs. I looked at Miguel, and he nodded his thanks. Nothing more needed to be said. Sam and I followed Ben out of the room.
We didn’t speak until we were in the car and headed home. I leaned back on Sam and he put his arms around me. Ben stared at me in the rearview mirror, his eyes smiling in his reflection.
“What?” I asked.
“You did good, Jack. Real good,” he said.
“That’s my Jack. Biggest heart in the whole world,” said Sam, nibbling on my ear.
I reached back to push him away, and he caught my hand. Next thing I knew he was sucking on two fingers, taking my breath away.
I slowly turned over to face him, my fingers never leaving his mouth. Sam’s eyes were laughing, and I smiled.
“You know what this means, don’t you?” I asked.
He nodded and sucked a little harder.