Dr. Margolis had no mercy. My second counseling appointment was brutal. It started out fine — we said hello, I sat in the same chair as last time, and she sat opposite. Then she just stared at me.
I shifted in my chair for two minutes, hoping to wait her out. I was paying her, the least she could do was ask a question. When it was clear she had no such intention, I caved and huffed a deep sigh, throwing myself back in the chair like a small child. It went downhill from there.
At the end of the hour, another tissue box was empty, Dr. Margolis had a smug, satisfied expression on her face, and I silently vowed to never return. On the way out the door, she had the nerve to confirm our Wednesday appointment. I got her back by telling her I wouldn’t be there on Friday — I had other plans. All she did was nod and close her door. Infuriating.
I texted Sam, still fuming as I pushed through the doors to the sidewalk outside. His truck rumbled down the street as my scrambled brain tried to make some sense of what happened. Why did she have to turn a wonderful weekend with Sam’s loving family into a comparison of how my family barely tolerated one another? On what planet did anyone think dredging up the past was a good idea? Yeah, my family sucked. I get it. Talking about it wasn’t gonna make me feel better, was it?
Sam’s big silver rig rumbled to a stop in front of me. With a deep sigh, I climbed up into the passenger seat, dreading having to relive it all over again.
He took one look at my face and said, “Oh, shit. That bad?”
I sighed, grabbed his offered hand, and nodded.
“Tell me how I can help,” he said.
“Take me home and hold me for a while? I’m not ready to talk about it.”
“You got it.” He slammed the truck into gear and we practically jumped off the curb.
He never let go of my hand the whole way home.
I gave a half-hearted hello to Maggie as we walked past the kitchen toward our bedroom. She smiled and nodded, then turned to pull bread out of the oven. The aroma of Italian food wafted after us. Despite my raw emotions, my stomach actually craved a big helping of Maggie’s baked lasagna and a slice of garlic bread. Go figure.
I didn’t say anything as I yanked my suit off and fell on the bed in only my underwear. Sam lay next to me and pulled me close. He wisely said nothing. I buried my face in his chest and breathed in his scent.
I owed him an explanation, but where to begin? My family was so screwed up, compared to his. It wasn’t fair — let alone nice — to expose him to such dysfunctional drama. I silently prayed to whoever might be listening that Sam never had occasion to meet any of them.
“You don’t have to say anything,” Sam whispered, pressing his lips to the crown of my head.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled into his chest. “I’ll be okay in a little while. She was…it was hard.”
“I’ve got you,” he said and squeezed tighter. I whimpered and allowed myself to wallow in his love and protection. Then his stomach made a Godzilla noise, and mine echoed.
“Let’s eat,” I said, pushing back and sitting up.
“You sure?”
I gave him a thin smile. “I’m hungry, and you’re clearly famished. Maybe some comfort food will do the trick.”
He grinned. “If you say so.”
Maggie had gone back to their apartment for the day, and Ben was somewhere up in his room, so it was just the two of us. We filled our plates and sat across from each other at the kitchen table, quietly eating.
As much as I hated the idea of even thinking about my degenerate family, I didn’t want to spend the whole evening mired in self-pity. I might as well own up to my unfortunate relations. I swallowed the last bite of my garlic bread, wiped my chin, and sat back. My stomach was full of tasty red sauce, and only a teensy bit queasy.
“She thinks my anxiety problems stem from the — and I quote — gross indifference of my upbringing, unquote.”
Sam swallowed. “What’s that mean?”
“It means my family screwed me up. I didn’t have the proper support or encouragement or any number of things a kid should get from his parents. Oh god, Sam, it was relentless. She kept digging deeper and deeper, wanting to know all the details of how my mother talked to me, and did she feed me and make sure I was clean and had proper clothes. What my relationship was like with my so-called brother, and how did my mother treat him, compared to me. It went on and on and on.”
Sam dropped his garlic bread, splashing red sauce on his placemat and a couple of tiny spots on his t-shirt. He reached across the table for my hand.
“I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”
“Which part? That it happened, or she felt the need to drag me back through it?”
His eyes softened as he squeezed my hand. “Both.”
I sighed. “The thing is, I think she’s right.”
“How so?”
I shrugged. “It’s all true. It happened. I was treated like a piece of crap. Not all the time, but enough. And it…broke stuff inside me.”
He squeezed my hand again. “You’re not damaged goods, Jack.”
“Yeah, Sam…I am. My past is a mess, and I need to start dealing with it.”
I searched his eyes, trying to do that thing he did to me with the staring. I foolishly thought maybe he could just take a quick peek inside my soul and fix whatever was broken or missing. I don’t think it worked.
“Let’s take a swim to get our minds off it. How about that?” he said out of the blue. I agreed because I had no better idea.
We cleaned up the kitchen and put away the leftovers. I hung the damp dish towel over the oven door handle, and Sam hugged me from behind. I sank back in his embrace and closed my eyes, grateful again for the healing power of his touch.
“Come on, let’s get wet,” he said, letting go and heading toward the back door to the deck.
“We need our suits,” I said.
He shook his head and grinned. Oh…OH…
I forgot all about the angst of my counseling session in the mist of steam and sex in the hot tub.
Ben drove me to the office the next morning. He looked like a man with a lot on his mind.
“Something wrong?” I asked, as we strolled across the pedestrian bridge connecting the parking garage to my building.
He shook his head. “Nothing new. I’m just frustrated.”
“Join the club.”
He gave me a look, then chose to ignore my comment. Just as well. I didn’t feel like talking about my problems anyway.
“I’m not comfortable with all the unknowns,” he said. “We need to figure out who was behind that data breach.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I know. Will’s on it. He’s got a couple of security specialists coming in for interviews this week. Surely one of them can figure it out, right?”
“Can’t happen soon enough.”
“Has Ron given you any updates on repairs?”
“For the plane?”
I nodded.
Ben shrugged. “Not since Sunday. I’ll call him. You guys flying commercial this weekend?”
My turn to shrug. “I guess, if the plane’s not operational. How does that work?”
“What do you mean? You buy a ticket and get on the plane.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, I get that part. I meant, how does it work with security?”
“I’m coming with you, like I always do. Why?”
I slammed a palm on my forehead. Ugh! I was so used to Ben being my shadow, I sometimes forgot he was there.
“Uh…we have a problem,” I said. “You don’t have an invitation to the wedding.”
“You never told him, did you?”
“Uh…nope. I forgot.”
“So call your friend now and tell him. Not a big deal,” said Ben, flicking a finger across his cell phone screen.
I stopped in my tracks.
“What?” he said, looking over his shoulder at me.
“It actually is a big deal. Fred doesn’t know.”
“Know what?”
“Anything. My inheritance. Sam. You.”
Ben started to say something, then shut his mouth and nodded.
“Crap,” I said. “Now what?”
Ben paced in a circle in the middle of the pedestrian bridge, his reflection bouncing off the sun-kissed windows.
“You’ll have to tell him, Jack. He’s your friend. I’m sure he’ll understand.”
My stomach lurched. “I was afraid you’d say that.”
The first part of my day proved ultra boring. No conflicts to resolve, no decisions requiring my attention. I spent the morning reviewing the classes I was planning to take at Washington University. Around noon, I scrounged a leftover turkey and cheese sandwich in the kitchen, remnants of a catered meeting from the week before. The cheese looked like it might have a touch of mold, but it tasted okay.
Sam showed up at two o’clock. He came into my office, shut the door behind him, and plopped down in one of the two chairs in front of my desk. I didn’t even get a kiss hello.
“Uh…you okay?” I asked. “You looked exhausted.”
“I am,” he said, rubbing his face. “Charles and I cleaned gutters all morning.”
“Won’t they just fill up with leaves again this fall?”
He threw his hands up in defeat. “That’s what I said. Charles says he does it once a season, except winter. Whatever.”
“You love it, and you know it.” I said.
He looked at me and grinned. “Yeah. Feels good to have it done, but my ass aches from going up and down that ladder.” He shifted in his seat.
I felt a welcome ache in my own ass, but for a very different reason.
“Simon ready for us?” asked Sam.
I checked my watch. “Should be,” I said, standing up and walking around from behind the desk. Sam met me halfway and drew me into his chest.
“Why do I let you leave the house?” he asked, nuzzling my neck. “You smell good.”
I grinned. “That’s called soap. And a little separation every now and then makes the reconnection all the better.”
“We got time to reconnect right here?”
I laughed and managed to escape his very strong arms. “Come on, stud. You can have your way with me later tonight.”
He groaned. “Billy and Jerome are coming to dinner.”
“They are?”
“Yeah. I sort of invited them.”
“How do you sort of…nevermind. What time?”
He shrugged. “Dinner time?”
I sighed. “Fine. Let me guess…they’re bringing the little pee machine.”
Sam grinned from ear to ear. “It’s your chance for redemption.”
“Never gonna happen.”
Simon laid out two sets of blueprints and three different interior design boards on the conference room table. Lots of grays and whites, with pops of navy blue.
“This will all be done before we move in?” asked Sam. My eyes bugged out at the extent of the renovations.
“The general contractor confirmed this morning. They’re ahead of schedule, actually,” said Simon.
“Nice,” said Sam. “What do you think?” he asked me.
“Do you like it?” I replied.
“It’s awesome.”
“Then I love it.”
Sam smiled and winked at me. My heart flopped around for a few seconds while Sam and Simon finalized some details.
Simon looked at the calendar on his laptop. “You guys want to do a final walk-through before you move in, or take your chances?”
“We can take our chances. We’ll work around whatever isn’t finished or needs changing,” said Sam. Simon looked at me and I shrugged, happy Sam was taking charge of the move. One less thing for me to spaz about.
“What about the furniture?” asked Sam.
“Everything’s ordered, like we discussed. I’ve got a crew scheduled to stage it all before you get there,” said Simon.
“Perfect,” said Sam, standing. “This is so awesome. We’ll have two days to set up house, then the fun begins.” He rubbed his palms together with glee.
Simon leaned back in his chair and rolled his eyes. “I can’t imagine how law school will be fun. Sounds horrible to me.”
“It’ll be tough, but I’ve got a secret weapon,” said Sam, reaching for me.
“What?” I asked as I stood and slid under his arm.
His deep blue eyes lit up like a firestorm as he touched the tip of my nose. “You…I have you. With you by my side, I can handle anything.”
He kissed my forehead and I closed my eyes, hoping with everything I had I could live up to what he needed.
Sam hung out around the office, chatting with the guys, while I finished some last minute tasks with Margie. I found him in the cafe, scrounging for something to eat and coming up empty.
“You ready, big guy? We can go,” I said, startling him. He pulled himself up and shut the refrigerator door.
“Cool, I’m starving. Did you know the sandwiches in here are moldy? You should have someone clean this out. I almost ate one.”
I groaned, remembering my lunch. I swallowed a mouthful of bile and tried to forget.
“Leave it. Besides, don’t we have Billy and Jerome coming for dinner?”
“Well…yeah, but that’s like a long time from now.”
“You’ll live. If you’re a good boy, maybe you can have a small snack when we get home.”
“Yum,” he said, giving me a quick peck on the lips.
He grabbed my hand and dragged me toward the elevators. Danny was in the hallway leaning against the wall, reading some kind of report. He looked up with a smile as we passed.
“Hey, if I don’t see you later, have a good trip, guys,” he said.
“Thanks,” I said. “Have a great weekend.”
“Planning to. Big date with Tina,” he said.
“Who’s Tina?” asked Sam.
“Consultant. Red hair, pouty lips. Danny’s smitten,” I said with a grin.
Danny’s smile widened. “What can I say? She likes me.”
Before Sam could razz Danny about his date, Todd rounded the corner and pulled up short.
“Thought you guys left,” he said.
“On our way,” I said.
“Margie get you all squared away for the trip?” he asked.
I nodded. “All set. Hopefully the plane will be ready, but if not, we’ll fly commercial.”
“You think it’s a good idea to take the pool boy to a wedding?” he asked.
I raised an eyebrow. “Uh…why wouldn’t I?”
“Look at him. He’s got dirt under his fingernails and his hair’s a mess. Can he even dance?” said Todd.
“Dance!” I said. “Who said anything about dancing?”
“Easy, Jack,” said Sam, placing a reassuring hand at the small of my back. “It’ll be fine. We don’t have to dance if you don’t want to.”
“And for your information, bean counter,” he said, turning back to Todd. “I CAN dance. Quite well, actually.”
Todd grinned. “I want video. Doesn’t count if there’s no video.”
“Oh my god,” I whispered, feeling faint.
“Uh, Sam?” said Danny, pointing a pen in my direction. “Jack doesn’t look so good.”
Sam took one look at me and nodded. “Let’s go home. Later, guys,” he said, pushing me into an elevator. I’m not sure I took a single breath all the way down to the lobby.
Dancing? Shoot me now.
By the time Sam pulled into the garage, I was asleep, head on the console.
“Wake up, little man. We’re home,” he whispered in my ear, gently tapping my shoulder.
“Already?” I slowly shifted to an upright position and rubbed my eyes.
Sam leaned over and kissed my cheek. “You’re sexy when you’re half asleep.”
I turned my head, desperate for a real kiss. He didn’t disappoint. I squeezed his thigh and leaned in closer. His hands grabbed my head and I moaned into his lips, wanting more. Instead, he pulled back, breathing heavily and grinning ear to ear.
“Sorry, no time. Billy texted. They’ll be here any minute. Come on. You get changed, and I’ll check with Maggie about dinner.”
With a deep groan, I did as he instructed. I arrived back in the kitchen ten minutes later to see Sam sampling from platters full of the weekend’s leftovers.
“Leave some for your guests, now,” said Maggie, shaking a dish towel at him.
“Oh, hey,” he said, seeing me. “Think this will be enough?” The island was covered from end to end with enough food to feed a dozen people.
“Uh, yeah, I think so. You can even have seconds.”
“Yes!”
“Why the leftovers? I’m sure Maggie would have made something fresh.”
“I gave him several options,” said Maggie, touching my shoulder as she passed toward the sink.
Sam smiled and slid around the island to wrap me in his arms. “This was my decision.” His lips brushed my neck as he whispered in my ear. “You did say you wanted me to take charge, didn’t you?”
My knees wobbled as my dick filled out in my jeans. I mumbled something in the affirmative — I think. It was suddenly hard to concentrate. Sam taking charge was wicked sexy.
The doorbell rang and Sam propped me against the island before he left to greet our guests.
“I think you’re all set. There’s a chocolate cake in the fridge, cooling,” said Maggie. “Enjoy.”
“Thank you,” I said as she retreated through the mudroom and out the door. I heard footsteps coming down the hall.
“Cute Stuff!” Billy entered the kitchen with a megawatt smile and arms open wide. He engulfed me in a bear hug, lifting me slightly off my feet.
“Hey, good to see you,” I said.
Jerome arrived, flustered, with a child-carrier in one hand and a diaper bag in the other. Sam was close behind. The second Jerome set the carrier on the floor, Sam pounced, unbuckling little Jayden and lifting him to kiss his brown cheek. Sam looked at me with a smile to rival Billy’s. Oh, man.
“What smells so good?” asked Jerome.
“Leftovers,” said Sam, like we were serving a secret delicacy.
Jerome sighed with a wide grin. “My favorite. When do we eat? I’m starving.”
Billy laughed. “You ate half a box of kiddie snacks in the car!”
“Rice puffs. They’re mostly air. I need substance, man.”
I smiled. Jerome was rail thin, almost anorexic-looking, yet I knew he cooked gourmet meals at home. At least he did before Jayden invaded their domain.
Sam pointed to the stack of plates on the counter, and we dug in. Conversation focused on the limo business and Billy’s search for an excellent mechanic to replace Jerome, who was determined to stay home and take care of the baby, if they could swing it financially.
“I did land two new accounts last week, so we’re doing well,” said Billy. “If I can keep the cars running, that is.”
“Sorry, man. I’d give you a hand, but I don’t know much about car engines,” said Sam. He made a face at Jayden and the little thing made a giggly sound.
Billy smiled. “Uh, aren’t you headed off to law school in a few weeks?”
“Oh…yeah,” said Sam with a grin.
“Don’t look at me,” I said, hands raised. “I don’t know a thing about cars.”
“Billy’s being a drama queen,” said Jerome. “I told him to call Abe at the technical college. I’m sure they’ve got names of graduates looking for work.”
“I don’t want some lunkhead who doesn’t know the difference between a wrench and a ratchet.”
Jerome patted Billy’s knee and reached for more leftovers. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”
I noticed Sam wasn’t eating. He was too busy making silly faces at Jayden. I was already full.
“Give him to me,” I said to Sam, who looked startled. “Come on, you need to eat. I can hold him for a few minutes.”
“You sure?”
“Yes.”
Sam handed the little tyke over very carefully, making sure I supported his head properly. Once Jayden was nestled into the crook of my arm, Sam relaxed and reached for his fork.
While the others talked, I watched Jayden’s face. His beautiful little brown eyes followed mine, and his little smiles took my breath away.
“You want to feed him?” asked Jerome.
“Me?”
“Sure. I just need to warm up a bottle. Don’t move.” He bounced up and extracted a bottle from the diaper bag, along with a little baggie of powdered formula. He added some water to the bottle, two tiny scoops of formula, and then ran some hot water from the sink into one of the pots Maggie had washed and left to dry. He brought it all back to the table.
“I forgot the bottle warmer, but this will do in a pinch.”
“How do you know when it’s ready?” I asked, peering over Jayden to study the bottle.
“I’ll show you in a minute.” Jerome reached back into the diaper bag and came out with a soft cloth about the size of a dish towel. He stood and draped it over my one shoulder.
“What’s that for?”
“For burping.”
“Uh…I really don’t know how to do this.”
“I know, but you will. Nothing to it, really.”
Jerome pulled the bottle from the hot water.
“Hold out your wrist.”
I did as he commanded. He dripped three or four drops of formula on my upturned wrist. It was warm, but not hot.
“How’s that?”
I shrugged. “I guess okay.”
He repeated the process on his own wrist.
“Perfect. Okay, lean him back, just like that, and put the nipple in his mouth. He’ll do the rest.”
And he did. Jayden sucked on that bottle for all he was worth, his doe eyes watching mine as he swallowed it down. He seemed happy, and I couldn’t help but smile. It was a small thing, but I felt good helping the little guy. I looked up for half a second, and Sam’s blue eyes were beaming.
Half way through, Jerome told me to take the bottle from Jayden. I tried, but the little dude held on tight.
Jerome laughed. “You have to show him who’s boss, Jack.”
I sighed and pulled a little harder. The nipple popped out of his mouth, which then erupted in full throated complaint. So much for making him happy.
“Relax, he’s fine. Put him over your shoulder and pat his little back,” said Jerome.
Billy and Sam were watching my every move, and I was very close to bailing. The more Jayden screamed, the more flustered I got. I looked at Sam and he stood up to come to my rescue, but Jerome was having none of it.
“Sit, Sam. Jack can do this. Here, I’ll show you.” He knelt next to me, helped me get the little wailer into the best position, and told me to whack him harder. I was scared I was going to break his back, but I did what his daddy told me.
Once I had a rhythm going, Jayden settled down and stopped squirming. A second later he let out a loud burp and sighed, all smiles again. Whew, I did it.
“Now you can give him the rest,” said Jerome, returning to his seat.
I grabbed the bottle off the table and stuck it back in Jayden’s mouth. His eyes were just as happy as before. They started to close before he was finished and his sucking slowed down. With just a few drops left in the bottle, Jerome told me to burp him one more time. Me and the kid made quick work of it. When I pulled him off my shoulder, he was nearly asleep in my arms.
Billy reached for him, but I pulled away.
“I’ve got him,” I said, looking across the table at Sam, who I swear had a tear in his eye.
Half an hour later, Jayden was in his carrier, sleeping blissfully, and Sam and Billy were downstairs playing pool. Jerome and I were sitting at the table. He was drinking his third cup of coffee.
“Is it getting easier?” I asked.
“Some. It’s all still so new, you know? Well, you probably don’t know. But you did real good with feeding him.”
“Don’t get too excited. I don’t think I’m babysitter material yet.”
He smiled. “Between you and Sam, I’d be fine leaving him with you for a few hours.”
“I’m guessing we would have to fight Sharon for him.”
He rolled his eyes. “Got that right. She can’t get enough. Billy had to tell her to back off a little. I felt bad for her. I know she’s wanted grandchildren forever.”
I leaned in. “Is Billy okay?”
Jerome hesitated for half a second, then nodded. “Yeah, I think so. We had a weird incident the other day, and it really upset him.”
“What happened?”
He sighed. “We were in line at the baby store, and Jayden was giggling at Billy’s noises and faces. We were just talking to him, you know, waiting our turn. I guess the lady behind us figured out that we were a couple and Jayden has two fathers. Well, she had a few things to say about that. Billy took it hard.”
My stomach flipped over. Poor Billy. “I’m so sorry.”
Jerome shook his head. “It’s fine. People think what they think. We know better. Jayden is loved, and that’s all that matters.”
I was upset, but Jerome seemed relaxed, like it wasn’t any big deal.
“Can I ask you something?” I said.
“Sure.”
“Is it hard for you? I mean, when people make hurtful comments?”
He sighed. “Because I’m gay?”
“Yeah.”
He paused for a second. “Sometimes, yeah. But I’ve been through much, much worse, so it’s all relative. Don’t get me wrong, it sucks. We shouldn’t have to be subjected to people’s bigotry and ignorance, but I get it, in a way.”
“How?”
“It’s different, two guys raising a kid. They’re not used to it. People don’t do different very well. But that says more about them than us, right?”
I sat back. I couldn’t imagine being as cavalier as he was about it. “I’m glad Jayden has you and Billy as his parents. All kids should be so loved.”
“Amen to that. I just hope the adoption goes through with no delays.”
“Where are you at with it?”
“Home studies are done. Child welfare signed off. We have court in a month I think, I can’t remember the exact date.”
“That’s awesome. Anything we can do to help?”
He grinned. “Uh, I think you did plenty already, don’t you?”
I smiled and shrugged.
“What about you? Didn’t Billy tell me you guys have a big wedding in Chicago this weekend?”
I sighed. “Yeah.”
“What’s wrong?” he asked, leaning closer.
“I don’t want to go.”
“Why not?”
I sighed again and looked away, feeling like a ninny. “Because, my friend who’s getting married, he knows I’m gay. But no one else does, and his parents…it’s complicated.”
“Complicated how?”
“Well, Sam’s coming with me, obviously. He’s my plus one. But we have to bring Ben, too. Probably others, I’m not sure. Depends on what Ben wants to do about security. I have a whole entourage sometimes. I have to call Fred to tell him, and I don’t know what to say.”
Jerome sat back. “Tell him the truth.”
“It’s not that simple.”
He studied me for a few seconds. I looked down at my hands in my lap.
“What’s really bothering you?”
I looked up. His eyes were focused on mine. A father’s eyes, kind and caring, but brooking no argument.
“I don’t want them to know,” I said with a deep sigh.
“Who? Know what?”
“Fred’s parents. Allison, the bride. All the guests. That I’m gay. I don’t want to have to tell them.”
“You think they’ll flip out?”
“I don’t want to find out. Fred’s parents were really good to me. I don’t want them to not like me now.”
“You really think they don’t know?”
I shrugged. “Maybe? They never said anything. Then again, I didn’t think Fred did either, but he surprised me the night I told him I was moving here.”
“He knew?”
I nodded. “For quite a while, apparently. I had no idea. I thought I was careful.”
He sighed and sipped his coffee. “It sucks, doesn’t it? The idea that we have to come out at all. And it never ends. We can’t just come out once. Nope, we have to do it again and again and again. Every time you meet new people, you have to explain why there’s a man on your arm instead of woman, am I right?”
I blinked fast to hold off the tears. I nodded.
“I’m sorry,” said Jerome, touching my arm. “It’s not fair, but it does get better.”
“How?”
“Either you stop caring what they think, or you stop socializing with people you don’t already know.”
I couldn’t imagine not caring, and I had no choice with Fred’s wedding. I committed to be there.
“There’s no getting out of this one,” I said.
“Yeah. Look on the bright side, you’re not the one getting married, so really, how upset could anyone really be? Just be you. Sam loves you. Stay close, and you’ll be fine. You’re like what, an usher or something?”
“The best man.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“You could tell Fred you’re not comfortable coming out to the family. Maybe he’ll understand.”
“And how do I explain Sam?”
“Good point. Yeah, you’re screwed. You either pretend you’re just friends, or you come clean.”
I slapped the table. “I’m not pretending about Sam!”
Jerome sat back, eyebrows raised.
“Sorry,” I said, rolling my shoulders. “Touchy subject. Truth is, I’m tired of pretending. I’d rather endure whatever crap they throw at me, I guess.”
“That’s the spirit. Cheer up. It might not be that bad. People are changing. The social worker came right out and asked if Billy and I were married.”
“Wow. What did you say?”
“I said I’d like to be…someday.”
I grinned. “How does Billy feel about that?”
“We’ve talked about it, but nobody’s proposed yet. To be honest, I’m happy to wait a little longer. I have my hands full just keeping up with little Jay. I can’t imagine trying to plan a wedding, too.”
“Have Billy plan it.”
He put his head back and laughed.
“Why not?” I asked.
“Death by a thousand details. He would hate it. His idea of shopping for this diaper bag was to grab the first one off the shelf. It didn’t have half of what we needed. As it was, after ten minutes he threatened to try out all the toddler beds for himself. Can you imagine that big man in one of them little race car beds for boys? Help me, Jesus. They’d be flat as a pancake in two seconds.”
I laughed.
“Seriously, it’s like having two kids. No joke,” he said.
“I can see it now, Billy looking up from the floor with a big ol’ smile on his face.”
Jerome grinned. “I know. Him and that smile of his. He shows me those pearly whites, and I cannot be held responsible for my actions.”
I blushed. Jerome’s grin widened.
“Tell me,” he said. “What about Sam makes you swoon?”
I looked away, embarrassed. He touched my arm again and leaned in. “Come on, I can keep a secret.”
I smiled. “He gets bossy, and he does this thing with his eyes. They slant sideways and he growls, real low in his throat. I don’t even know if he realizes he’s doing it, but when he does, I know I’m toast.”
Jerome’s eyes brightened. “That’s awesome. Don’t ever let anyone take that away from you.”
I felt better after my talk with Jerome — until I met with Dr. Margolis again on Wednesday afternoon. Another unpleasant meeting, to say the least.
I was seeing her for help in dealing with anxiety and stress, so of course she saw fit to unearth a whole new series of fears about going back to school and all the ways I could potentially fail. There were a lot, apparently.
At least she made no mention of my unfortunate family. Instead we spent our time anticipating challenges and pre-determining my responses. I thought I was working through it okay, until she brought up the wedding.
“Are you excited to show off Sam to Fred’s family?” she asked.
I shifted in my seat. After talking to Jerome, I thought I was past my fear of coming out to Fred’s family, so why did my palms start sweating and my chest get tight? Did the air conditioning cut out?
“Jack?”
I shook my head, blood pounding behind my eyes. The room swayed and something swooshed inside my head. I don’t remember anything more, until I came back to Dr. Margolis bent over me, gently shaking my wrist. My head hurt, like a metal band was slowly compacting it from all sides.
“What happened?” I groaned.
“You had an anxiety attack. Interesting.”
“Interesting? What the…why is this happening to me?” I said, frustration building by the second.
“Relax. It’s a good thing”
“A good…are you for real?” I shook her hand off my wrist and she sat back down. “It sucks. I hate this. I’m tired of losing control. It’s embarrassing, and it makes me feel weak. You’re supposed to be helping me, not sitting there mocking me.”
She wiped the slight grin off her face. “I’m sorry. I just meant, it’s a good thing for me to see an anxiety attack manifest in my presence.”
“Good for who?”
“For you, of course.”
“I want them to stop.”
“And they will, when you learn to properly process your fears.”
I sank deeper into the chair, rubbing my temples in vain. “How long’s that gonna take? I’m already drowning in fear, and you keep coming up with new ones.”
“Are you afraid of Sam?”
My eyebrows lifted. “No, never.”
“How about your co-workers?”
I paused, taking stock. “I was…at first. Not anymore.”
“Anyone here in Denver, within your close circle?”
I ran through a mental checklist. “Nope. I’m good here.”
She sighed and sat back, fingertips teepeed together. She touched her lips, checked her watch, then leaned forward. Here it comes.
“It would appear, therefore, that your fears — and the resulting anxiety attacks — are stemming from your life elsewhere.”
“What does that mean?”
“What do you think it means?”
I groaned and squeezed my eyes shut, invisible steam flowing from my ears. What the fuck, lady.
“I need answers, not more questions!” I yelled. “Tell me…what do you mean, elsewhere?”
She sighed and sat back. “I can see I pushed you too hard.”
I looked away, royally pissed now. “You pushed me too hard. Well, isn’t that just great. You drive me — literally — to the breaking point, then drop me like a hot rock. Like so much dog crap on your shoe. Well, screw you, Doc,” I said, slapping the tissue box off the table next to me, sending it flying to the wall behind the couch to my left. It bounced off a pillow and landed on the floor by her feet. She looked at it like it took flight all the time.
I stood up quickly, but the blood in my head didn’t do the same. The walls wavered wildly as I reached out for a hand hold, finding none. I collapsed back in the chair and the dreaded tears flowed. I wiped my eyes with the bottom of my shirt and managed to hobble out. I was more or less upright by the time I hit the elevator.
I was determined to not speak of the session — ever, to anyone. That lasted two minutes after Ben drove me home. Sam took one look at me and somehow knew what was bothering me.
“I can stay home,” he said, trying to pull me into a hug. We were in our bedroom, and I was ripping my work clothes off, throwing them around the room and generally behaving like a child.
“No! I’m not going alone,” I said, pushing his hands away and sidestepping to my side of the bed.
“Then how can I help?” The worry and frustration in his voice broke something in me and I slumped over in defeat, shoulders sagging. God, I could be so self-centered. Why did he stay?
I turned to face him. “I’m sorry. This isn’t your fault. But you can’t help. Nobody can. I just have to do it.”
He tentatively approached.
I sighed and stared at the floor, gathering what strength I had left. I took a deep breath and looked up into his eyes, reaching for him. He closed the gap and I slid against his warm body. We stood in silence, just being together.
“I need you,” I whispered.
“I’m here. Forever.”
“Even when I act like this?”
“Especially now.”
I looked up into his beautiful blue eyes, bright and full of love.
“Why?”
“Because I love you, and being here for you, in the really hard stuff, that’s when I can be for you what you can’t always be for yourself. I love that you need me.”
I buried my face in his chest, fighting back the tears. “It makes me feel weak.”
He relaxed his hold enough to lift my chin and stared into my eyes. “You are not weak, Jack. You are the strongest man I know. You’re battling a mountain of shit no one should have to go through on his own. We’ll get through it, I promise.”
I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him tight. “Don’t let go, okay?”
“Never.”
By Thursday morning, I was in a better place. I had had time to think about my life in light of some of the ideas Dr. Margolis had shared. I wasn’t a fan of her methods, but they did bring some much needed clarity.
According to her, returning to Chicago was one step in what would be a lengthy and challenging process. I didn’t want to do it. I would have rather stayed in Denver and ignored everything but the last five months of my life. Of course, if Dr. Margolis was right, I’d be an angst-ridden basket case the rest of my life, so that was a non-starter.
With no other option, I set my face toward the inevitable and started packing. Sam gathered all our toiletries together and we were ready to go by eight.
“We have time for breakfast, right?” he asked, zipping up the last suitcase and testing it for weight. Our plane wasn’t fixed yet, so we were flying commercial, which meant we were on someone else’s schedule for a change.
“Yeah. Ben said we needed to leave around nine, I think.”
“Cool. You excited?”
“To see Fred? Yes. The rest of it, not even a little bit. But I’ll do it, for Fred.”
Sam fixed his dark blue eyes on mine and invaded my space. I let him in.
After a moment of searching my soul, he grabbed both my hands and said, “Something I want you to think about.”
“What?”
“I think you need to do this for you.”
“Me? Why?”
“Because…it’s time to get back what you lost.”
“And what’s that?”
“The right to be you. To be fully who you are. To live your life the way you want to live it, with whoever and wherever that is.”
I swallowed. My eyes misted over. Crap! I hadn’t even left the house and he had me in tears.
He pulled my chin up and wiped away the one tear that escaped. “I love you, little man. I believe in you. And nothing and no one is gonna stand in your way, not on my watch. They don’t have to like you. They don’t have to understand. But they don’t get to determine your value anymore. You matter, Jack. You matter to the people that love you, just the way you are.”
I tried to swallow the huge lump in my throat and failed. I settled for nodding. I did need to be free to be me. I just wished it wasn’t always going to be a fight to get there.
“I want to see your head held high,” said Sam. “I’m at your side, always and forever. We do this, together.”
He was pretty good at the pep talk thing. I nodded again, and he kissed me gently as he pulled me into a tight hug.
Do it afraid.
The hour ride to Denver International was uneventful. Ben had the driver drop the three of us off at Departures. We each lugged our own suitcase. Sam had a small backpack filled with snacks and other stuff.
Margie had booked us all in first class, so we had priority getting through security. Ben’s eyes flitted about non-stop, and he seemed jittery. He hovered over us as Sam and I sat on a bench and put on our shoes.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
He looked down at me and shook his head. I looked at Sam, who just shrugged and pulled me up. I put a hand on Ben’s arm and he looked down at it, then into my eyes.
“Tell me,” I said.
With a deep sigh he took one step back and looked away. “Sometimes it’s a real pain in the ass, you being so perceptive.”
“I’m sorry. Would you rather I not give a crap about you?” I said.
“Let me do my job, okay?” he said a little too loudly. An elderly couple standing nearby stared at him, startled by the outburst. They shuffled away quickly.
“I’m sorry,” I said softly. “I’m not trying to aggravate you. I just want to know what’s got you on edge?”
He rattled off the reasons on his fingers. “I can’t carry my gun. I don’t have my team. No recon. The advance team I put together has been a farce.”
“How is this trip any different?” asked Sam, picking up his backpack and motioning us toward our gate. We walked together, me in the middle, Sam on my left, Ben on my right.
“Security here at home is fairly straightforward. I have my team, and I know your movements. We can plan. When you travel, it’s a different ballgame.”
“Do you really anticipate any problems?” I asked as respectfully as I could.
“Not specifically, no. But we’ve talked about this,” said Ben, eyes still roaming, surveying every person we passed for potential threats. “I don’t know what enemy we might be facing, or what they might know about your movements. It makes my job that much harder.”
“If it helps, Will texted me this morning that he thinks he’s found the perfect data security expert to join the team. Margie will vet him thoroughly, and hopefully he can get to the root of the attempted hack.”
Ben nodded. “Good. That’s one thing off my mind. You tell Will that I need to know everything the second he knows it.”
“Yes, sir,” I said with a mock salute. Ben rolled his eyes and Sam chuckled.
“Like I said, a royal pain in the ass,” said Ben.
“You like me, and you know it,” I said, playfully bumping his arm with mine.
He didn’t smile. “Knock it off, Jack. Just let me do my job, will you?”
“Fine.”
“Thank you.”
“Whatever.”
“Will you two give it a rest?” said Sam, grinning at both of us. “It’s like traveling with two toddlers.”
“He started it,” I said.
“And I’d finish it, if I had my gun,” said Ben.
I stuck my tongue out at him. He started to say something, but gave up and grinned at me. I grinned back.
“You’re a piece of work, Schaeffer.”
I shrugged. “I know. You wouldn’t really shoot me, would you?”
He sighed. “Not worth wasting a bullet — or the mountain of paperwork.”
I smiled. “Told you you like me.”
Ben rolled his eyes and looked at Sam. “Can you please do something with him while I make some calls?”
“Sure. Come on, little man. Let’s let Ben do his job.”
The gate area for our flight to Chicago was crowded. Sam found two open seats next to each other, and Ben stood close by, working on his cell phone. Sam watched a movie on his IPad, while I stared out the window, trying not to freak out about what was coming next.
It’s not like I thought I’d had a bad life. Sure, my upbringing was a little rough — okay, it sucked. But I survived. And my time in Chicago had been okay, all things considered. No real complaints.
A part of me was even looking forward to reconnecting with Fred and his parents. They had been such a key factor in getting my feet under me, emotionally. It was hard to imagine, with all the love and acceptance they had shown me before, that they would reject me now because I was gay.
So said the rational side of my brain. The irrational, frazzled side suggested I was on a fool’s errand that could only end in heartache and misery. I told that side to shut up, and dialed Fred. He answered on the first ring.
“Jack! How are you man? You on your way?”
“Hey, Fred. I’m good. We’re sitting at the gate to catch our flight. How’s things at your end?”
“Crazy, man. So many details, you have no idea. But it’s cool, because after this weekend, it’s just me and the girl of my dreams.”
The joy in his voice made me smile.
“That’s awesome. I’m so happy for you.”
“Thanks, man. And thank you again for doing this. I know it’s a hassle, but I couldn’t imagine getting married and you not being here.”
“Well…you might want to hold that thought.”
“Why? What’s going on?”
“Nothing bad, just…we have a situation, and I need to tell you something.”
“Talk to me, Jack. You know you can tell me anything,” he said with no hesitation.
I sighed and pressed forward. “You know I’m bringing Sam, right?”
“Yeah, can’t wait to meet him. Allison, too. That’s why we’re taking you guys to dinner tonight.”
“You are?”
“Yeah. Once the wedding stuff starts we won’t get five minutes together. Besides, I want to get to know the guy who swept Jack Schaeffer off his feet.”
I glanced at Sam, who was clearly listening and grinning like a cat who ate the canary.
“Allison knows?”
“Knows what?”
“About Sam. And…me.”
“Yeah, she’s cool with it. That’s not a problem, is it? I sorta had to tell her when you put Sam as your plus one.”
I sighed again. “Of course, yeah, that makes sense. Ugh, you have no idea how I’ve been dreading this.”
“My wedding?”
“No, no. Just…coming out to everyone. Especially your parents.”
“Uh…about that….”
I groaned. “They know, don’t they.”
“Like…forever. It’s no big deal. They love you. Mom said just last night she can’t wait to give you a big ole kiss on the cheek and hug you so tight you can’t breathe.”
“What about your father?”
“Dad? I’ll tell you a great story when you get here. It’s all good, though, don’t worry. I promise.”
“You sure? I don’t want to upset anyone. Your wedding is a big deal, and you and Allison deserve the best day ever. I don’t want to screw it up for you.”
“Jack, the only way you’ll screw up my wedding is if you don’t get your gay ass to Chicago and stop apologizing for who you are.”
Sam bumped my shoulder and nodded.
Stunned, I shook my head to refocus. “Um…okay. I mean, we’ll definitely be there.”
“Good.”
“Uh…I do have one other teensy tinsy little request.”
He laughed. “What now?”
“Well, the thing is, because of my work now, I sometimes travel with a security detail. I only have one guy with me this time, but I need to have him close by, if at all possible.”
“Security? Are you in some kind of danger?”
“No, not at all. He’s more a precaution, really. It’s just, he insists on keeping an eye on me, especially when I’m in public or crowds of people.”
“He doesn’t have to be at the head table, does he?”
“No. He can stand in the corner, out of the way. I just wanted you to be aware that he was coming.”
“Oh, okay. Well, I don’t see a problem with that. The reception venue is huge, so there’s plenty of room for him to roam around, as long as he doesn’t upset the guests.”
“He won’t,” I said, staring daggers at Ben. “He’ll be a perfect gentleman.” He rolled his eyes and went back to texting someone.
“Fine by me, then. No problem.”
“Thanks, Fred. I appreciate you understanding.”
“You are going to explain to me over dinner why you have a guy guarding you, right?”
I laughed. “Yes, I’ll tell you everything. You’ll text me where and when about dinner tonight?”
“Yeah. Nothing fancy. Jeans and a nice shirt will be fine.”
“Alright, well…see you soon.”
“Awesome. This is going to be so epic. Later, dude.” He hung up.
I dropped my phone in my lap and rubbed both hands across my face.
“I take it he’s cool with me coming along?” said Sam.
“Yeah.”
“Then why do you have a weird look on your face?”
“I’m in shock, I think. What just happened?”
Sam squeezed my hand. “Your friend turned out to be the real deal. Relax, little man. You’re killing it.”
I leaned my head on his shoulder. “Just stay close, okay?”
“No other place I’d rather be.”
First class on United was nice, but it was nothing like flying on our plane, and Sam reminded me more than once he didn’t get Nancy’s chocolate chip cookies fresh from the oven. I just patted his knee and pointed him back to his movie.
We picked up our bags at the same United carousel I remembered from my flight home to Chicago earlier in the year. So much had changed in my life. I was a different person now. I was no longer lost and alone, and yet I felt the past tugging at my soul.
Lost in thought, I didn’t realize Sam was trying to get my attention until he touched my cheek. Startled, I looked into his concerned eyes.
“You okay, little man? You look like you just saw a ghost.”
“Uh…yeah. Sort of. I don’t know. It’s weird, being back here. I feel…I don’t know how I feel. Sorry, I’m not making any sense.”
He leaned closer, ignoring the throngs of travellers around us. “It’s okay. Just breathe. I’ve got you.”
I wanted his arms around me so badly, but it wasn’t the place and time. With a sigh I just nodded and noticed we were missing someone.
“Where’s Ben?”
Sam jerked his head toward the glass-walled exit. “He’s flagging down our ride. If you ask me, I think he’s frustrated with flying commercial, too.”
“You just want cookies,” I said.
He grinned wide and pulled up his suitcase handle. I pulled my own behind me while Sam managed Ben’s and his own, plus his backpack across his broad shoulders.
“Where are we going, anyway?” asked Sam and we walked outside into a blast of hot, humid air.
“Ugh. Hopefully an air conditioned hotel room,” I replied. “I don’t see Ben, do you?”
Sam craned his neck over the heads of the people crowding the sidewalks. “There,” he pointed. “Follow me.”
Ben waved us over to a large black SUV — what else — and helped Sam load the bags in the back. Sam and I sat in the back seat, Ben up front. The driver, in a black suit and cap, looked every part the chauffeur, but something told me he was a lot more underneath the fancy clothes. I’d bet big money he was ex-military. Ben didn’t introduce us, and the man never said a word, just glanced in his mirror and pulled into traffic.
“I’m exhausted,” said Sam. “Think we have time for a nap before we have to meet Fred and Allison for dinner?”
I looked at my watch. “Might be tight. I was hoping to get my hair cut.”
Sam looked at my head. “Yeah, you could use a trim. Why didn’t you do it back home?”
His reference to Denver as my home was unexpectedly unsettling. Being back in Chicago felt like having one foot in two different worlds. I tried to shake it off as I told him my plan to visit St. Nick.
“This is the guy who did your hair before I met you in Hawaii?”
“Yeah. He works out of a salon at the mall. I made an appointment for three. You mind?”
“Depends. Think he can do it again? I loved that look,” said Sam, leaning closer to my ear. “It was fucking hot.”
I blushed and squeezed his thigh. I never thought much about my hair — or my appearance in general. But realizing the effect on Sam, maybe I needed to pay more attention. At any rate, I needed a trim before I could pose for gazillions of wedding pictures.
Ben looked up from his phone and back to me. “We’ll stop at the hotel first.”
“Where are we staying?” asked Sam.
Ben looked at his phone. “The Schaumburg Marriott.”
I sighed as the past reached up to tug at me again.
We arrived at the hotel entrance a few minutes later. The driver nodded when Ben told him we’d be back down shortly. I exited on the passenger side and walked around the back to fetch the luggage with Sam. He took one look at my face and reached for me.
“What’s wrong? You’ve got that look again.”
I sighed. “It’s nothing. I’m just…being back here is bringing up a lot of memories. This is where I first talked to Clyde about coming out to Denver. It’s so weird. I’m trying not to freak out but it’s really messing with my mind.”
“I would think talking with Clyde was a good thing. Wasn’t it?”
I nodded. “Yeah, it was. It’s just…I feel like I’m watching scenes of my old life all over again. It feels like I’m trapped in a time warp.”
He pulled me into a quick hug. If I could only hide in his arms and ignore the rest of the world until it passed.
The lounge to the right of the main lobby was just as I remembered, though a middle-aged blond woman was tending bar that afternoon. Only two patrons, sitting several stools apart. No life changing conversations from what I could see.
“Right over there?” said Sam, following my gaze. I nodded.
“Cool. Come on, let’s check out our room and get you that haircut.”
The three of us rode the elevator up to the Club Level. Our room was a one-bedroom suite at the end of the hall. Ben’s room was next door. Sam took charge of unpacking our clothes into the surprisingly large closet, while I transferred our toiletries to the bathroom. Not exactly the Ritz or the Four Seasons, but it was nice. Good enough for us, anyway, and it’s where Fred wanted his guests to stay, since the wedding reception would be held nearby.
“Maybe I should get a trim, too,” said Sam, poking at his hair in the mirror while I squeezed toothpaste onto my toothbrush. I had seeds stuck in my teeth from the sandwich on the plane.
“We can ask,” I mumbled around the brush, dripping toothpaste on the counter. Sam grinned and squeezed my butt.
“I’m glad you took Clyde’s call,” he said, his blue eyes sparkling in the mirror.
“Me, too,” I said, rinsing.
Sam pulled me into a warm hug. “Forever, little man,” he whispered in my ear.
“Forever, big guy,” I whispered to his chest.
Woodfield Mall seemed crowded for a Thursday afternoon, but since I had never visited mid-day during the week, what did I know? Ben followed us to the lower level and the salon where St. Nick worked his magic.
“I’ll be right out here,” said Ben, declining to come into the salon with us. His hair was high and tight, as always. I had no idea where he got it cut, but it never changed. “You have your emergency pods?”
Sam and I pulled them out of our pockets. He nodded and walked away.
“I have an appointment with Nick,” I said, approaching the reception desk. The attractive girl behind it looked right past me and made eyes at Sam. He was, as usual, oblivious. I waited patiently for her to notice me, which she finally did with clear annoyance.
“Can I help you?” she asked with attitude.
Sam took immediate charge. “Yes, you can,” he said, standing closer to my side. “My boyfriend has an appointment with Nick at three o’clock.”
Reception girl’s mouth dropped open, but she recovered quickly and looked at the computer screen to her left.
“Jack?” she asked.
“Yes.”
“I’ll let him know you’re here.” She walked away, shaking her head. Another good man lost to the other side. I smiled to myself. Your loss is my gain, sister.
We sat next to each other in the waiting area, aromatherapy candles filling the atmosphere with relaxing scents. I lay my head on Sam’s shoulders and closed my eyes.
“Where’s my next victim?”
I opened my eyes to see Nick, all five foot five of him, standing before us, hands on his hips and overflowing with sass. This was going to be fun.
“Hey, I remember you, sugar,” said Nick, holding out his hand like a lady. “Jack, darling, you’ve come back to me.”
I held his hand gently for a moment and nodded. “Yes. And this is my partner, Sam. Sam, this is St. Nick.”
Nick’s eyes raked Sam up and down, with obvious approval. “My, my, my. Jack found himself a hottie. Nice to eat you — I mean meet you,” he said with a twittery laugh. Sam just grinned, enjoying the attention.
Recovering himself, Nick looked at me with a twinkle in his brown eyes. “The book says the appointment is for you, but clearly your hunk of a man needs some attention. Have you seen that mess on top his head? And does he not know how to use a razor?”
“Could you fit him in with my appointment? I know it’s last minute, but I’m in a wedding this weekend, and he’s my plus one and I’m introducing him to some special people. Oh, and he wants you to make me look like I did the last time, because he claims he fell in love with me at first sight.”
Nick laughed. “So, no pressure, then.”
“If anyone can do it, you can,” I said.
“This is true, honey, so true. Alright boys, follow me. Time for St. Nick to work another miracle.”
He turned on his heels with a flourish. As we passed the front desk on our way to Nick’s station, the reception girl gave Sam a flirty pout. I smiled at her, and she rolled her eyes and turned away. Down girl, he’s all mine.
Nick spun his chair around and motioned for me to sit.
“Sam, have a seat next to us. Carla’s off getting her nails done, so she won’t mind.”
“Did she finally get a chair?” I asked, remembering the shampoo girl from my first visit.
“Oh, honey, you’re so sweet, you remembered. Yes, sugar, Miss Carla done got herself a primo chair, right next to mwah. Better so’s I can keep an eye on her,” he said, leaning closer. “You know the heifers in this place just itchin’ to stab that poor girl in the back and take her chair. I’m tellin’ you, Jack, why I put up with these beasts, I’ll never know.”
Sam grinned, watching Nick in the mirror. “Because you’re queen bee, and they all know it.”
Nick actually blushed and touched a delicate hand to his neck. “Why, Sam, I do declare, that’s the nicest thing a man has said to me all year. Oh, honey, I’m gonna make your boy here look so fine, the bride’s gonna eat her bouquet with envy. You better watch your very fine backside, young man, because they’s all gonna be after Jack once St. Nick works his magic.”
Sam laughed loudly and I smiled at him. Nick turned serious and studied my face from every angle, nodded once to himself, and grabbed a huge pair of scissors.
“Don’t look now, sugar, but you’re about to be transformed,” he said with a wicked gleam in his eye.
Like the pure magician he was, Nick had my hair cut in short order. He consulted a card he pulled out of a small box off a shelf above his station, pursing his lips. He looked back at my face, looked over at Sam, then back at the card.
“Yes, I can do this,” he said and disappeared toward the back of the salon. Sam looked at me and I shrugged, causing loose hair to fall off my smock onto the floor. Nick returned two minutes later with the same yellowish goo I remembered.
He slathered it all over my head, paying close attention to the edges. It felt like refreshing ice water where it touched my skin. Thankfully he left my eyebrows alone this time.
“Now, sugar, you sit still while I see what I can do with your man,” he said with a wink.
Sam seemed totally relaxed as Nick studied his face and ran his fingers through his hair, nodding to himself. Throwing a smock around his shoulders, Nick spun him around so he couldn’t see himself in the mirror. Trademark Nick move.
“But I can’t…”
“Ack! Quiet now. You trust St. Nick. I made your boy look good, didn’t I?”
Sam closed his mouth and Nick started cutting. He never said a word while the scissors clacked away against the comb in his other hand. He used a razor around Sam’s ears and across the back of his neck. He finished by running his hand through the hair he’d left longer on top, checking the length of each layer.
“Done. Come with me, and I’ll have Janelle wash you out.”
Sam winked at me before following Nick to the back. Nick returned a minute later and grilled me while Sam was out of earshot.
“Tell me, how did you meet? If I remember right, last time you were just a mousy little thing with no confidence. I know I’m good, thank the universe, but I’m not that good.”
I laughed. “Right after I was here, I met Sam on vacation. He was taking care of the pool where I stayed, and I invited him to dinner one night. We became friends, and then more than friends. I moved to Denver, and he came with me. It all happened so fast.”
He waved a hand like a fan in front of his face. “Oh, sweetie, you make my heart so happy. The best love affairs are like that. Now you listen to St. Nick, honey. That man is fine with a capital F-I-N-E. You be good to him, you hear me? Men like that don’t come a dime a dozen, you know what I mean? The heifers round here would sacrifice their ovaries to have a man like Sam.”
“I know. He’s amazing. Sometimes I still can’t believe we’re together.”
“Well, why the hell not?” he said, leaning back with hands perched on his hips. “You ain’t no chopped liver, honey. Sam’s mighty lucky to have you, too. You’re one of the good ones, and there ain’t many of ‘em left, I can tell you. Sit up straight, now. You’ve got a backbone, use it.”
I straightened my back and smiled at him.
“That’s it. Let ‘em see you got the world by the ass, and don’t take nothin’ from nobody,” said Nick, suddenly distracted by Sam walking back, following a very tiny wisp of a girl. His hair was still damp and sticking out in all directions.
“‘Cept from him, honey. You take anything that man wanna give you, hallelujah!”
I laughed and Nick’s smile lit up the room.
“Okay, now,” he said as Sam approached. “Thank you, Janelle. Lovely work. Can you take Jack back with you? Be sure to use the tea tree oil conditioner.”
“Sure thing, Nick,” said Janelle, basking in his praise. It’s the little things.
I followed Janelle back to the washing station, where she shampooed away all the hair dye, then massaged a conditioner into my hair that smelled like peppermint. So relaxing. Maybe I could get Sam to massage my head with this stuff.
When I returned to Nick’s chair, Sam was looking at himself in the mirror, grinning ear to ear. He looked amazing. His deep blue eyes connected with mine and my knees shook.
“Looks like he just stepped off the red carpet, doesn’t he?” said Nick, winking at me.
“I’ll say. Nick, you’re a genius,” I said.
“Of course I am. Now sit, and let’s finish you up.” He fired up the blow dryer and brushed me out, teaching me how to style my hair so it would look almost as good as he did it. When he was finished, Sam growled and his eyes did that predator thing they do when he’s ready to take control.
“Down, Lassie,” said Nick, slapping Sam’s shoulder. “You can ravage him later. Don’t you dare wreck my creation till after you at least give him dinner.”
Sam grinned, his eyes flaring at the corner. I had a feeling I might be what’s for dinner. Yikes!
“Thanks for squeezing me in, Nick,” said Sam, shaking his hand. “You’re every bit as awesome as Jack said.”
More hand fluttering from Nick. “Oh my, you say the sweetest things. Now off with you both before I faint from all this much deserved adoration. And Jack, you mind what I said. Stand tall and own it. And come back and see me whenever you’re in town. You know where to find me,” he said, twirling in a circle as he took in his queendom.
We parted ways, leaving Nick with a huge tip and heartfelt hugs, and me with a big bag of hair products and Nick’s business card. Out in the mall, Ben looked us over with appreciative nods.
“Not bad. You guys clean up nice. Where to next?”
“Back to the hotel, fast as you can,” said Sam in a very authoritative voice.
Ben grinned and winked at me. “Be a shame if he messes up your hair.”