The morning sun beat down with blazing heat, but thankfully the thick forest around them shielded the two men and their animals from its direct rays. The buzzing sounds of insects and the melodies of singing birds filled the air around them, along with the rhythmic clopping of iron horseshoes upon the rocky terrain and the creaking wagon wheels turning upon the axles.
Edward allowed the wagon to roll slightly ahead of him, instead of his usual parallel position, as it gave him time alone to sort out his thoughts, which were considerable. He had awakened at an early hour, the sun barely throwing a hint of light through the bedroom window. He was shocked to find himself naked – and in bed with another man. As quiet as a church mouse, he had dressed, hoping to escape before Charles awakened. Edward shifted in his saddle as he felt the now familiar tightness in his breeches as he remembered once again the naked male form of his travelling companion lying in the bed he had just vacated, still resting in peaceful slumber, a smile of his face and a hardness to his organ, which was unashamedly on display before him.
Edward was frustrated. Why did the sight of a naked man, innocently sleeping, suddenly excite him so powerfully? Perhaps more powerfully than the fading memories of his late wife’s tender breasts or the soft curve of her thigh, though he couldn’t be sure. Edward trembled as he remembered washing Charles’ backside, there in the moonlight filled room at the inn. The feel of Charles’ skin – and other things – against his fingertips. The kisses, at first tentative, then exploding in unbridled passion. Things he’d never dreamed of.
That men found comfort in the arms of other men was an uncommon fact not unknown to Edward, however it was not something he ever expected to experience himself. He didn’t know how he should feel about it, either. Shame? Guilt? Relief?
It had been nearly four years since he had last been in the arms of his wife and lover, since he had watched the life light fade from her eyes as the sickness took her, just as it had stolen his little girl and his parents before her. Adeline had been his one and only lover, the single person with whom he had experienced the particular pleasures of human physical love. He had never felt the need or desire to look upon another woman in the same way, though perhaps one or two in the county had made clear their designs upon him. He had politely steered clear of all such entanglements.
He had never felt the stirrings of lust for another man. Not even when he and Jimmy McNally and Martin O’Toole had gotten drunk at the local pub after a long day working in the fields, and together had answered the challenge of some other lads to a wrestling match. Outside, with a small crowd gathering, water troughs were spilled to create a large patch of mud, as six strong strapping men stripped fully naked to cheers and jeers, and commenced rolling around in the miry mess, more intent on coating one another with mud in raucous laughter than seeking any particular victory.
Later, as they had taken turns at the well drawing buckets of ice cold water to pour over their heads, there was much good natured banter and teasing, but nothing of an overtly sexual nature to speak of. Yet now, Edward suddenly looked back upon that memory and again felt stirring in his loins as the images of muscled chests dripping with water, sinewy thighs stretched taut as strong arms pulled on the well’s rope, and the chiseled naked arses of his friends filled his mind.
To Edward, it felt like something had come alive in him, a deep desire heretofore unknown and unpursued. Now, as he was tasting his first days of real freedom in this new world, this strange new desire was suddenly demanding its freedom, too. He had no idea what to do with it.
Up with the wagon, Charles was riding on the side board, sorting through his own collection of concerns, chief among them the fact Edward had not said but two words to him all morning. He had declined joining Charles for a hot breakfast in the tavern with a shake of his head, and immediately set out to reassemble the team and the wagon. When Charles had arrived at the stable carrying his personal case – Edward had taken his with him – he found everything ready and an impatient Edward eager to start.
He assumed Edward had settled payment with the stable keeper, as they were shaking hands as he approached. Edward tipped his hat to the man and mounted his horse, pushing his long black hair back over his head before hiding it under his hat again. Charles remembered running his hands through that glorious mane the night before and felt his heart quicken a little. Edward nodded to him, an expression on his face which Charles couldn’t read.
Shaking his head, Charles grabbed the reins and with a crack of the whip over their heads, all six horses leaned into their yokes and they were off, bound for points west. As they pulled away from the stable area, Charles noticed a young lad carrying a bucket of water toward a horse trough in one hand while rubbing his arse with the other. Curious.
As one mile rolled into the next one, Charles contented himself to let Edward have his space, though he missed their friendly conversations. His father had taught him years ago to let a man be with his thoughts, and to not badger him with a thousand questions. For his part, Charles’ thoughts were spent pleasantly remembering the last evening’s explorations and discoveries. Edward had shocked him by being a willing participant, but now, in the full light of day, Charles was beginning to have doubts he would ever likely do so again. He sincerely hoped Edward was not so put off by the experience that he decided to abandon their journey together.
For the next hour, Edward struggled inwardly with his thoughts. Ever since he had first sat down to dinner with Charles, he liked the man. He felt like a real friend, and he was sorely in need of one. Aside from Charles, and John Wilkins back in Philadelphia, Edward was for all intents and purposes alone in the world. But now…after what they had shared together…what did it mean for their friendship? Everything felt different somehow. How was he supposed to act?
When no clarity came to his mental turmoils, Edward finally gave them up in favor of practical realities. He was getting hungry, having skipped breakfast to avoid facing Charles first thing in the morning. As long as they were going to travel together, they might as well share a meal, even if he wasn’t sure he’d ever want to share a bed again.
“I see a place up ahead where we can pull off and have lunch,” said Edward, riding his horse up to the wagon and pointing out the grassy area to Charles, who was driving the team.
“Fine with me, getting powerful hungry here,” said Charles, relieved Edward was talking to him again. The tension drained from his arms and shoulders as he let out a deep sigh.
“Makes two of us. I think we have a wee bit of biscuit left, though it may be getting rather hard and stale. Brings back memories of the sea journey from Ireland, choking down the hardtack.” Edward had a wry grin on his face, recalling one of the less savory details of his sea voyage.
Charles pulled the team and wagon off the trail onto the grassy area Edward had pointed out. A small, crystal clear stream trickled playfully over its rocky bottom nearby. The two made short work of watering the team, days of repetitively working together paying off. Edward pulled out the cotton sack holding their provisions obtained in Harrisburg and reached in and plucked out a couple of brown biscuits. Handing one to Charles, he remarked ruefully, “At least it fills your stomach.”
“If I can choke it down my throat, that is,” said Charles, looking askance at the solid brown lump in his hand. A nice hot stew would have been preferable by far.
At that moment, a slight rustling in the green woods across the trail nearby drew their attention and a second later a small black bear cub appeared, sniffing the air around him.
Edward, never having been around American wildlife – he’d only lived in the city – was enchanted with the small creature and automatically began to walk towards it, interested in seeing it up close and curious about it.
“Edward, NO! Get back, the mother will be somewhere nearby!” shouted Charles.
Edward stopped in his tracks, heeding Charles’ shouted warning, but the cub, spotting Edward’s movements, was now very interested in the human, and began to amble towards Edward and the wagon behind him. Fortunately, the cub was downwind of the wagon, so the horses had not yet caught the bear’s scent.
As Edward carefully made a slow retreat backwards, suddenly a loud, low growl came from the woods near the exact spot the cub had emerged. Both men and horses pricked up their ears in alarm. A fully grown female bear burst upon the trail, and thinking her cub was threatened, stood up on her hind legs and raised huge paws adorned with sharp claws and roared at the two men. At over seven feet tall, the bared teeth and menacing roar brought the cub to an immediate halt. It turned around and quickly hobbled to its mother, head down in subjection.
Edward was trying valiantly to make his bladder hold. The fearsome beast was amazing and terrifying at the same time, and try as he might, he couldn’t move. His legs refused to obey his mind’s command to run. Charles, in the meantime, had whirled around and grabbed his longrifle from the wagon and started shouting at Edward.
“Grab the reins and try to calm the horses!” Edward, the shout bringing him out of his paralysis, ran towards the wagon, passing Charles who by this time was advancing on the adult bear. He began shouting at the top of his voice and wildly waving the longrifle in front of him, hoping to scare off the bear. He knew enough to make himself as formidable an opponent as possible and the odds were good the bear might be warned off. Edward was firmly holding the bridle of the lead horse, barely keeping the team from rearing and running off. His own horse, having been allowed to pasture in the meadow, was nowhere to be seen.
He looked back at Charles and his heart leapt into his throat. Charles was in a standoff with a roaring adult black bear, mouth wide open to expose yellow teeth designed to tear flesh, and he knew if the bear charged, Charles did not stand much of a chance. He would be mauled for sure, perhaps fatally.
The intense pain of possibly losing his friend Charles in a bear attack shocked Edward, taking his breath away. He suddenly wanted to drop the reins and run out in front of Charles and sacrifice himself. Charles didn’t deserve to die such a horrible death for his own stupidity.
The cub finally reached the edge of the trail, spurred on by its mother’s mighty roars, then plunged into the safety of the green wall of trees behind her. Sensing this, the adult bear began slowly backing up, wanting to turn and go after her cub but needing to ensure the threat to her young one did not get any nearer. Charles wisely did not move forward but kept up his shouting and waving his rifle, encouraging the bear to turn around and make sure her cub was fine. Reaching the edge of the trail, and with one last loud warning growl, the black behemoth turned her back on Charles and lumbered off after the cub, presumably to give it a parental dressing down.
Charles, shaking with the after effects of the adrenaline coursing through his body, dropped his rifle. His knees wobbled while his stomach did queasy somersaults. Kneeling down to try and steady himself, he breathed in deeply several times, trying to get air into his lungs and to clear his mind of crisis-caused tunnel vision.
No longer concerned about horses or wagons or even bears, Edward dropped the leather reins where he stood and ran. He ran as hard and as fast as he could to Charles, his feet slipping on the damp tall grass in the meadow, and succeeded in knocking Charles over as he slid into him. Without hesitation, Edward was on top of him, looking down at his friend, sudden tears in his eyes.
“Are you alright, Charles?” he shouted, grabbing the man’s face in both hands.
Charles, suffering from the new shock of Edward straddling his waist, tried to nod his head, to which Edward had a tight grip. “Aye. Mother of God, did you see that beast, Edward? I’d rather face a line of British regulars than stand up to her again. She was so close I could smell her fetid breath.”
“What you did was extremely brave, Charles. But don’t you ever do something like that again! You could have been killed!” Edward was shouting at him, and then started shaking uncontrollably, overwhelmed by emotions he couldn’t name if he tried. Charles reached up and hugged him tightly, pulling him down to his chest. Edward started to resist the embrace, but then gave into it, strange as it still seemed to be held in such a manner by another man. Charles held on to him until his shaking subsided and both men were finally breathing normally again.
Charles released his tight hold around Edward, and Edward slowly pushed off of him, a bewildered look on his face. He rolled over onto his back in the grass and looked up at the blue sky, lost in thought. Rising on now steadier legs, Charles helped an almost reluctant Edward to his feet as well. His face was impossible to read. Clearly Edward was a conflicted man, but at least he had shown no hesitation in revealing the fact that he truly cared for Charles, which gave Charles real hope.
Edward looked deeply into Charles’ eyes, as if searching for answers he couldn’t find within himself. “Why did you do it? Charge an attacking bear?” said Edward softly.
“I didn’t think about it, Edward. I just knew you were in terrible danger and the next thing I remember, I was confronting the beast. All I could remember was wanting you and the team to be fine. I need you to be safe, Edward.” Edward started to reply, but no words would connect to make sense of his jumbled thoughts at the moments. He settled for nodding to Charles.
They started walking together back toward the wagon. Deciding to make light of the conflicting emotions coursing through his body, Edward quipped, “You would do anything not to have to choke down those hard biscuits.” Charles laughed loudly, the tension fading fast.
“Well…at this point I don’t think it wise to put anything in my stomach for the moment. I’d surely lose it the second it was swallowed,” said Charles.
“Speaking of losing things…I appear to have lost my horse,” said Edward, running his hands through his long hair while turning in circles looking into the forest for his missing animal.
“He won’t have gone far, I don’t reckon,” said Charles. “We can make camp here for now and look for him.”
“I’d hate to slow you up, Charles. You go on ahead without me, and I’ll search for him,” said Edward.
“Are you crazy? You think I’d leave you alone in these woods, without food or horse or gun? Get over it, Edward. No way I’m leaving you. Besides, I already told you, I’m not losing you without a fight. If I’m willing to fight a black bear, I’m willing to fight you.”
“Fight me? What are you talking about? Fight what?” said Edward.
“This. You’re pushing me away again, just like you did this morning. Using it as an opportunity to separate from me because you’re uncomfortable with what happened last night. I understand, Edward. I know it’s hard to figure out. It’s strange and different, and you don’t know what to think. I get it, I’ve been there.”
“You don’t know what I think!” shouted Edward, disturbing the birds in the trees nearby. “I don’t even know what I think, so how could you?” He was angry and beyond frustrated with the whole situation. His fists were clenching and unclenching. “I didn’t ask for this, Charles. You’re the one who seduced me. You’ve confused me.”
Deciding it was time, Charles softened his voice and said, “Edward. Please calm down and just listen to me, okay?” Edward did manage to relax his stance and unclench his fists. He nodded to Charles to continue. “You’re right, of course. I did seduce you, in a manner of speaking. I took advantage of an innocent situation, my own desire perhaps overwhelming my better sensibilities. I’m sorry, Edward, if I’ve hurt you in any way. You have to believe that was not my intention.”
“I am a man who loves other men. What we did last night was what I wanted. It’s what I’ve wanted since you first sat down to dinner with me in Lancaster. But Edward…are you sure you don’t want it, too?” said Charles gently.
Edward looked at Charles, trying desperately to understand his own feelings in light of what his friend was telling him. If he were honest with himself, he had to admit he had shared Charles’ desires. Why else would he have dropped his own breeches, fully hoping Charles would touch him the way he had touched Charles?
“Charles…I…I’m not sure. Maybe I…do want…what you want. But it’s all so strange and foreign to me. I’ve never done…what we did…ever.”
“I know,” said Charles. “Edward, I don’t want you to want it, just because I do. I meant what I said. I don’t want to lose you. You’ve become a very good friend, and I’m telling you the truth. Whether or not we become lovers, I still want you to come to Ohio with me. I need you, Edward.”
Full of warring emotions, Edward could only nod his head, indicating he had heard Charles. What he needed at the moment was to get away by himself with his thoughts, but first he had to find his horse. “I’m going to look for the horse. I’ll…be back…I guess.” He put his hat back on his head and turned in the direction his horse had run away, setting off on foot to find it.
Charles, looking ruefully at Edward’s retreating back, had been full of hope for a future with Edward as his friend and lover, but he was now painfully aware it may not come to pass. The horse would not have galloped too far once out of sight and sound of the bear, so he figured most likely Edward would not be gone long. He considered unhitching one of the team and riding after him, but held off, giving Edward time to be alone with his thoughts.
As Edward walked away slowly, following the wagon trail, he thought about his feelings for Charles. There was no denying he’d been scared when Charles was almost attacked by the bear. And the overwhelming relief when he wasn’t was telling, too. His growing emotional attachment to the man already surpassed any relationship he had ever had with anyone other than his wife.
And then there was the surprising and confusing physical attraction. He didn’t understand why it was happening now, when he had never felt sexual desire for another man before…well, ever since he saw the young lad from the coach in the stables, spread out over the hay bales, the look of pleasure on his face unmistakable. And again when he witnessed the strapping of the second stable boy and his obvious excitement at the end of the ordeal. Just thinking about those images again caused a swelling in his loins as he walked.
While he may want to blame Charles for what had transpired between them the previous evening, he couldn’t lie to himself. He’d wanted it, too, pure and simple. And he still did. Just thinking about Charles’ naked backside again was causing him to breathe heavy and feel light headed. What was he to do about it?
Edward rounded a bend in the trail, and there was his errant horse, grazing on the grass at the edge of the packed dirt and rocks marking the wagon trail. When Edward whistled, the horse reared its head and cantered toward him. “Good boy,” said Edward to the steed as he pulled himself up into the saddle on its back and trotted back towards Charles.
While waiting for Edward, Charles finished preparing their interrupted lunch. He set out some yellow cheese, the remaining biscuits, and the last of some ginger cake, containing actual pieces of the ginger root. Charles looked at the brown hardtack and grimaced. How Edward survived on that stuff while sailing across the ocean was a mystery.
He looked up from his meal preparations to see a focused Edward returning, trotting up on his horse. Charles watched him dismount, the stretch of his breeches against his legs outlining the strong muscles Charles knew were lurking there, waiting to be caressed again. He sighed, the agony of pent up desire too much to contemplate.
Edward had a clouded countenance, his face betraying his ongoing inner struggle to reconcile his conflicting thoughts and desires. He walked straight up to Charles and removed his hat, pushing his hair back again, a move Charles found particularly appealing every time he did it. For a second there, Charles wondered if Edward did it precisely because he knew it excited him. Shaking his head slightly at the unprofitable thought, Charles waited.
“I’ve been doing a wee bit of thinking,” said Edward hesitantly. He took a deep breath and continued. “I believe I was unfair earlier when I accused you of…seducing me. I won’t deny it was something I wanted to happen, too, though I’m damned if I know why. I feel things…with you…that are…difficult. I don’t know if I will ever act on them again. But above all, I want you to know, Charles, that I value our friendship highly, and I hope you will see your way clear to having me continue on with you, at least until Pittsburgh.”
“Of course,” said Charles without hesitation. “I’d like nothing better. Just know I intend to do my level best to convince you to come all the way to Ohio with me. I could use a good man like you by my side.”
Edward frowned at the characterization. “I’m sorry,” said Charles quickly. “I said it badly. What I mean is…well, the thing is, I…it’s just that, having you with me…I mean, well…working with me…Ugh! It would just be easier…and I like you, and I want you around, so I just thought…” Charles voice trailed off in, incapable of finishing the thought. Edward’s frown just grew deeper, causing Charles to despair of offending him yet again.
Suddenly, Edward broke into a wide grin, then an open smile. “Charles…shut up and feed me.” Charles gasped, then realized Edward was teasing him, pretending to be upset. The rotten scoundrel!
The tension of the bear attack and its aftermath disappeared as they enjoyed a leisurely lunch. Even the almost inedible biscuits went down easier now that the two men had returned to their familiar and comfortable camaraderie. Charles refrained from broaching any sensitive subject – and noticed Edward did the same – as they finished cleaning up and repacking the wagon. Then they took up their normal traveling positions and set off towards Pittsburgh once again.
In Shippensburg, they stabled the horses and shared a hot meal in Sullivan’s Saloon, the raucous clientele a distraction to Charles and Edward, who were fast discovering they preferred the solitude of the forest to the boisterous tavern crowd. They slept in separate rooms – they didn’t discuss it. Charles followed Edward’s lead, allowing him to make the sleeping arrangements, though not without intense disappointment.
They passed through Chambersburg the following evening and kept moving, deciding to camp out under the stars near the trail. As the fire began to die down after dinner, Edward unrolled a couple of blankets near the burning embers, not bothering to change into a nightshirt, but simply removed the clothing from his torso, leaving his breeches on. As he laid down, Charles approached with his own blankets.
He looked down at Edward, an unspoken question on his face. Edward looked at the flat space next to his blankets and nodded to Charles, giving him unspoken permission to sleep next to him. Charles thought about stripping naked in the dwindling light – it was a rather warm evening – but decided not to. He had a difficult time getting to sleep, the hardness between his legs a constant distraction. He didn’t know it, but Edward suffered a similar condition, and both men awakened the following morning tired and irritable.
The next ten days passed by in a monotonous blur of mile after mile of pine forest, the occasional small animal crossing the trail here and there, and the feeding and watering of the horses. The wagon’s axle needed to be greased more often now as they went up and down mountains, the stress and strain of the terrain taking its toll on the Conestoga. The horses never seemed to mind what they were asked to do.
They restocked food provisions at Fort Loudon, opting to stay in Gonagle’s Inn for the night. The tavern keeper, an Irish immigrant himself, was familiar enough with the county where Edward’s family had lived, and the two stayed up half the night reminiscing. Charles listened for a while, then excused himself to find his room. The unfamiliar pangs of jealousy were a bitter pill to swallow as he tried to drift off in the lonely, quiet room. He could no longer deny it to himself – he was in love with Edward. What Edward may have felt for him, beyond a strong friendship, was not clear.
Somewhere between Fort Bedford and Fort Ligonier, Charles used his longrifle and shot two squirrels as the wagon slowly plodded through the forest. He showed Edward how to skin the animals and butcher the carcasses. As Edward held the meat over the open fire on sticks he had fashioned for the purpose, he could not help but admire Charles and the confidence he obviously possessed. His new friend was a crack shot, and his years of campaigning in the army had honed his survival skills to a fine edge. He was a strong and capable man.
When Edward wasn’t conversing with Charles about any number of subjects, the most prevalent being those related to farming, he was thinking about him. To Edward, Charles seemed like the kind of man who would likely be a success at anything he put his hand to, not because he was the smartest or the best, but because he was quietly determined to succeed, and would never quit fighting for what he wanted and believed in.
And it was abundantly evident he wanted Edward. There was no mistaking the looks, or the small touches here and there as they worked side by side. At times Edward could almost feel the physical desire pinging off of him, at the same time he was trying desperately to keep his own mounting desires at bay. He was grateful Charles had never pushed the issue, not since the morning of the bear attack. Giving Edward the time he needed to contemplate his future, one possibly spent in the arms of another man, was the wisest thing Charles could have done.
In the height of the blazing afternoon heat, when they were but a day past Fort Ligonier, the last stop before Pittsburgh, the wagon crested a small hill, revealing a rolling green valley with a small river running through it. The water reflected the sunlight through the trees here and there. At the bottom of the valley, Edward spotted a wide basin of still water in the stream, apparently caused by a downed tree creating a bit of a dam effect upstream of it. He was hot and dirty and wanted a bath badly.
He shifted in his saddle and turned to Charles, pointing to the perfect shady spot for a relaxing dip in the afternoon heat. “Care to wash away the dirt and have a swim? This heat is killing me,” he said.
Charles, seeing the cool pool of water in the distance, nodded vigorously. “Aye, I’d welcome the chance to cool off myself. Lead on.”
Pulling the wagon to a stop next to the stream, Edward and Charles first unhitched the team of horses and brought them water in the trough. They then tied them together loosely and allowed them the freedom to graze in the meadow on the other side of the rocky wagon trail, tails swishing happily in the heat.
A large flat rock stuck out into the stream near the wagon, and Edward was standing on it, his shirts, boots, and socks already removed. Charles stood back by the wagon for a minute and just watched him, his muscular body outlined in the sunlight. He held his breath as Edward unfastened his breeches, his back to Charles, and slowly let them fall to the rock. His naked arse was everything Charles remembered from the one night they had shared together, and from his many fantasies privately contemplated on the trail since.
Edward gingerly stepped into the stream and took two tentative steps toward the makeshift swimming hole, the waters swirling gently around his knees. He twisted sideways to call out to Charles.
“Come on in, the water’s perfect.”
Charles wasted no time getting to the rock. As he pulled his overshirt above his head, he noticed Edward was watching him intently, now facing him waist deep in the water about fifteen feet away. Charles paused, suddenly not sure if he should continue. Edward nodded to let him know it was okay. Charles slowly removed his clothes, until only his breeches remained. His hands trembled as he tried to unfasten them, knowing the second they were off, Edward would fully know the extent of his excitement.
Taking a deep breath, his eyes never leaving Edward’s, he allowed his breeches to drop to his ankles. He instantly felt the sun’s heat upon his engorged private parts, as well as Edward’s gaze. He watched as Edward looked upon him for a moment, then slowly returned to look at his face again. Then Edward smiled, taking slow steps along the rocky river bottom toward Charles.
As he approached, his own body rose out of the water, and it was now clear that despite the coolness of the river, Edward, too, was equally excited. Finally standing in front of Charles, naked, hard and unashamed, he reached up with his hand, inviting Charles to join him in the river.
Nothing was conveyed directly in words or sounds, but when their hands touched, a deeper connection was established than either would comprehend for a long time to come. They spent the next hour or so frolicking in the refreshing water, swimming and laughing and relaxing, silently acknowledging the physical attraction between them, an attraction which only paralleled that of their hearts and minds.
There was a moment, as Charles stood chest deep in the river with his back to Edward, looking out over the valley around them in wonder, when Edward knew. It came without warning, a stunning revelation which ended all doubts and confusions. It startled him with its impact, and he gasped suddenly, causing Charles to turn in alarm.
“Are you okay?” said Charles, taking a step toward Edward.
Edward nodded, then held up a hand for Charles to stop moving. He did, not sure what was happening. Edward had a look on his face like he was going to bolt and run away again.
“Edward…” Charles started to speak, but Edward again held up his hand for him to wait.
“I’m fine,” said Edward. “More than fine, really. I’m happy. I’m happy, Charles, for the first time in a very, very long time. And I owe that to you, my friend.” He stopped, as he could feel tears welling in his eyes, and a lump rising in his throat as the emotions started rolling through him. He swallowed hard and pressed on.
“The truth is…I love you, Charles. I don’t know what all that means…yet…but I know this without a doubt. I want to be with you. In…every way. In every way a man can be with a man. I’ll have to trust you in that. But I do…trust you, I mean. I’m sorry for being distant and moody and…difficult. I appreciate you giving me the space and time to figure myself out. And I believe I have,” he said, now taking a step toward a very shocked Charles.
“I don’t understand everything that has happened. I don’t know what happens next, or what I’m supposed to do. But I know this,” he said, now standing face to face with Charles, who had stopped breathing altogether. “I know that I love you, Charles Adams. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
Without further preamble, Edward reached up with his right hand and placed it upon Charles’ cheek, his thumb wiping away the single tear that had fallen.
Then Edward kissed him. Softly at first, their lips but whispers, one against the other. Edward raised his other hand, holding Charles’ face gently, and continued kissing him, until lips parted and tongues invaded, and the heat of the afternoon sun was matched, and then exceeded, by the heat of their unleashed passion together.
Much later, exhausted and deeply contented, both men lay naked upon the rock beside the stream, looking up into the fading sky, dreaming of their future together. A future now filled with hope, joy, and the never failing power of true love.
Epilogue
“That’s it for me today. I’m dead tired,” said Edward, brushing his soaking wet hair backwards over his head, then covering it all again with his equally wet hat.
“Aye,” said Charles. “That’s the lot of ‘em. Come spring, we should be able to stump these last twenty or so and have double the acreage for planting.” He stood up from his task of cutting the bark from the large buckeye tree, the wide naked band around the trunk now showing in stark contrast to the rest of the tall tree.
By “banding” the trees – thus making them die – he and Edward had slowly created and cleared enough farmland from the forest to start planting crops in earnest the following spring. They might even be able to turn a profit next year, as the livestock had increased as well, with Edward’s excellent husbandry skills.
The two strong men gathered their tools and set off across the valley floor, now half denuded of trees, the other half cleared of all but the remaining trees too hardened to fell by axe alone. Each tree stood forlornly in the dim evening light, a wide, white ring around its waist, the beginning of its final days.
In the cabin, Charles stoked the still burning embers in the fireplace, and soon had a roaring blaze burning, while Edward set about lighting candles around the main room. They smiled at each other as only lovers do in the flickering light.
“Let’s have venison tonight,” suggested Edward. He was especially fond of deer meat, and Charles had dropped an 8-point buck, with one shot, two days prior. At the moment the partially eaten carcass was hanging from a wooden tripod out behind the cabin. What they didn’t eat tonight would have to be preserved with rock salt tomorrow.
Charles nodded, grabbing his light coat to ward off the chilly late October air, and his long filleting knife. He had thought it a luxury when Edward had proposed the purchase on their last trip up the Ohio to Pittsburgh for supplies. But in so many ways, Edward’s experience and knowledge about such things had been proven indispensable in the harsh realities of frontier life. He was grateful Edward had insisted, as he had used it more than he thought he ever would the past few months.
It was a life that far exceeded his expectations. To be on his own land, to face the challenge of establishing a farm from nothing, to succeed or fail by his own determination and strength – all of it was more than he had imagined. More difficult, more fraught with peril, more gratifying, just…more.
He selected a couple of cuts of meat he knew Edward would enjoy. Edward, the most amazing man he’d ever met, and the primary reason for the joy that filled his soul these days. Always smiling, always positive, always ready to tackle whatever task faced them next, of which there was no shortage out here on the frontier.
Turning back to the house, he saw Edward standing out on the back porch under the roof overhang, just watching him. And smiling.
“What?” asked Charles.
“Nothing,” said Edward. “Just watching you.” He grinned, his eyes twinkling in the fading light of approaching dusk.
“I’ll get these started. I’ll put some water on to boil and we’ll have some potatoes with them.”
“Sounds good. I’ll get the animals taken care of for the night,” said Edward, jumping down from the rail-less back porch. As he passed Charles heading back to the house, he stopped and grabbed his arm. Charles looked at him, then saw Edward’s cheeky grin and knew what was on his mind. He leaned in and kissed Edward gently, knowing he wanted more.
“Later. I promise,” he said, now grinning himself. Edward turned and happily quickened his pace, eager to get the evening chores finished in favor of more enjoyable activities to come. He was surprised to hear a rustling behind him, only to find an equally eager Charles standing there.
“I’ll help. We’ll get it all done faster. The meat’ll keep for a little while.” Edward laughed and together they fed and watered the horses, loosely corralled in a split rail enclosure next to the cabin the two men had built in their first month in Ohio. Edward made sure the chickens had enough feed and water in the tin feeders, mentally counting the growing brood. With the last batch of chicks, hatched only two weeks ago, they had nearly three dozen birds. Hopefully the majority would survive the winter.
Meanwhile Charles fed and watered the goats, their main source of milk. Charles watched for a moment as they pushed and shoved a bit to get at the feed in the trough. He had to laugh. They ate anything that moved – or didn’t – all day long, yet every evening acted like they were starving to death. He also noticed that one of them was looking quite large.
“She’s pregnant,” said Edward, stepping up next to him.
“Really?” asked Charles. “That was fast. Wasn’t she the one old man Connaughy gave us in exchange for helping with his barn roof?”
“Yep. She seems to have found a way to get along with the boys here, I reckon,” he said playfully. Charles laughed.
Turning around to face the cabin, both men stood there, thinking about all they had accomplished together in only a few months. They were still facing a harsh winter to come, but inside each of them was the certainty they would succeed by being together.
There in the candle light streaming from the cabin windows, Edward turned to face Charles, grabbing his hands and feeling the warmth in his own. He quietly looked into Charles’ eyes, seeing the light of love burning brightly in him. It was the light that told him he was finally home.
The End