Holy Crap! Did Sam just tell me he was gay? And he had been in a two year relationship with a guy? Like with a dick and everything?
He was still holding me tightly, and I never wanted it to end. For the first time I felt like I was finally where I belonged in the world. But I had no idea how Sam felt about me – not in that way. Up until 30 seconds ago, I was convinced he was straight!
“Talk to me, Jack.” Sam said. “You okay?”
“Yeah, Sam. Just a little in shock. I had no idea you were…”
“That I’m gay?” He chuckled quietly.
“Well, yeah. Here I was, scared to death you wouldn’t be my friend if you knew I was gay, and turns out, you’re gay too!”
“Jack, I’ve been out to my family and close friends for years. It’s so not a big deal for me anymore. I forget sometimes not everyone has the same supportive people in their lives like I do. And yes, Jack. I am your friend, at least I want to be. I think you’re a very cool guy, and I like hanging out with you.”
The tears started again, silent, embarrassing and a sign of my emotional state. I was trembling a little, from the breeze off the ocean and the long repressed passions rumbling through my soul.
“Jack, you’re shaking. Are you sure you’re alright?”
“Yes, I’m sure. But Sam?”
“Yeah, Jack?”
“Please don’t let go of me yet.” His answer was to hold on tighter, sheltering me in his masculine arms.
I don’t think I could put into words the peace and the power I felt being swallowed up in those arms. I was safe, physically and emotionally, and I was being rejuvenated in some way – like a new inner strength was coming alive in me. From where, I had no idea, but it was there.
We sat there together on the sand in the dark for maybe 10 more minutes, me listening to Sam’s breathing and relishing his tight hold on me. In all my fantasies I would have assumed being in this physical position with another man would have had my sexual motor in overdrive. But I was strangely indifferent to that part of me, concentrating on the security I felt. For the moment, anyway.
“Sam, as much as I really don’t want this moment to end, I think I have a load of sand in my ass, and it’s starting to hurt. I need to stand up.”
“Good, cause I’ve got the same problem.” He stood up, laughing a little. We were a sight, standing there in the dark, slapping our butts trying to get the sand off. I really did have some sand inside my underwear, but short of stripping down right there, it was gonna have to torture me for a little while longer.
We walked towards the street and sat down on a bench under a streetlight so we could empty our shoes of sand. I love the beach, don’t get me wrong, and I had just spent the best moment of my life sitting on one, but that damn sand gets everywhere! Tonight it was literally a pain in my ass.
With the last of the sand banished from my toes, I slipped my shoes back on my bare feet and sat up to look at Sam. He was staring at me again, with those intense, piercing blue eyes. The look on his face was impossible to read, but he was studying me, almost like he was memorizing my features or something. Instead of feeling weird, I felt all warm inside and my dick trembled slightly. It looked like he was going to say something, but he stopped. I was curious. I wanted inside his head.
“What? What were you going to say, Sam?”
“Uh…well, it’s just…uh…nothing really. Some other time, maybe.” Clearly he had decided to postpone speaking his mind, whatever it was. I decided not to push it. We both had made some serious revelations, and we had more than enough to process already.
“Sam, I want you to know how you handled tonight was the kindest, most caring thing anyone has done for me. You are the first person my age I’ve told I’m gay, and you’re still standing here. I didn’t run you off, and even better, you didn’t attack me.”
“What? Of course not, Jack. I would never do something so mean. And I’m glad we both know where we stand on that front. It makes being friends easier.” He really wanted to be my friend. It made me so happy.
Sam started yawning, and put his hands together and stretched his arms upwards over his head. He was clearly tired, and he still had to drive me home and then drive back to his apartment.
“Sam, you’re exhausted. Why don’t I take a cab home? You won’t have to make the round trip.” I was concerned for his safety. I didn’t want him to have an accident, now that he was my friend. Geez, did my selfishness know no bounds?
“No way, Jack. I’m good. I’ll get you home. But you’re right, we should probably get going. I do have a long day tomorrow. Tommy and I have to go over to Maui and do a couple of hotel pools.”
He stood up and put his hand out to help me up. It was a simple gesture, nothing sexual, but it was sweet. I took it and he helped pull me up. Since the adrenaline and emotions had faded away, I was now a little shaky on my legs. Telling Sam I was gay took a lot out of me, I guess. But I felt good about it. Really good. Free.
We walked back to Sam’s truck parked under the street lights. Every once in a while, I felt Sam’s hand near my back. I’m not sure he even knew he was doing it, but I was loving it. It was like he was protecting me, guarding me, making sure I was okay, unhindered and unmolested in any way. He was walking close to me, not arm-in-arm close, but close enough I was aware of his presence in my space. It was awesome.
Once in the truck, we started back towards Kailua. Traffic was much lighter at this hour, and we made good time. We didn’t really talk during the drive, which was okay. It was a comfortable silence between two friends who didn’t feel the need to fill every second with conversation. Very peaceful, so much so I fell asleep during the last part of the drive. I woke when Sam poked me gently.
“Hey, Jack,” he whispered. “You’re home, sleepy head.”
“Huh? Oh, yeah, okay. Wow. I guess I’m the one who’s tired, huh.” I rubbed my eyes and stretched a little. We were parked in front of the house.
“I had a great time tonight, Jack. Thanks for coming out with me.” I burst out laughing, and he looked at me like I was crazy.
“What? What’d I say?”
“Nothing, Sam. It’s just funny the way you said ‘coming out with me’. ‘Cause that’s what we did, didn’t we?” He now had a goofy grin on his face, too.
“Yeah, I guess we did. Hadn’t planned on it, but it’s cool, right?” He looked at me for confirmation all was right between us. I’m usually the insecure one. Interesting.
“Cool by me. More than cool. I feel great about it, Sam. Seriously. You were awesome tonight. Thank you. For the movie, the pizza, and for understanding. But mostly for being my friend.” I reached over and grabbed his hand closest to me and squeezed it, then let it go.
“Now, you need to go home, Sam. We don’t need you crashing your truck tonight. You can’t leave Tommy in the lurch with all those pools to clean tomorrow.”
“Okay, I’m going. Thanks again, Jack. Hey, what are you doing Sunday?”
“Nothing as far as I know.”
“Well, how about joining me and the guys at the beach? We usually hang out on Sundays and goof around, maybe get some dinner later. Whadda ya say?”
“Sounds good. Tell me when and where and what I need to bring, and I’ll be there.”
“Cool. I’ll call you tomorrow night with details. Can you give me your cell phone so I can reach you?” I grinned. Finally got a guy to ask me for my number. We exchanged cell phone numbers – Sam’s went into my phone under Friends. It felt so right to have it in there. There were three: Fred, Billy, and now Sam.
“Hey, Sam. Do me a favor. Call me tonight when you get home just so I know you made it, okay. Otherwise, I’ll worry.”
“You’ll worry about me, Jack?” Sam was grinning. Smart ass.
“Not even a little bit, you jerk.” I was grinning, too. I opened my door, and looked back at him one more time, then shut the door and stepped back. He grinned at me again, gave a short little wave through the window, and pulled out and down the driveway. I stood there and watched the taillights until they were gone.
It took all my reserve strength to open the friggin’ huge front door. How big were these people who owned this house? Was he a retired sumo wrestler or something? I dragged myself through the enormous front room and into the kitchen, where I downed a full water bottle. I sat on one of the island stools, and felt the sand stuck in my ass. Time for a shower.
The jets were fantastic as always, especially the ones I aimed right at my crack to try and get the sand off. I don’t know what’s in beach sand, but it sticks to everything like it’s coated in glue. I was rubbing soap all through my crack, up and down, trying to get the last few grains of sand from around my hole, and I realized I was super turned on. I leaned against the shower wall, my other hand doing what it had been trained to do. My release came while I was fantasizing about being in Sam’s arms again.
As I was toweling off afterwards, I started thinking about Sam and me a little deeper. I was thrilled I had told him I was gay – I was really proud of myself. I imagined the curtain of fear I had hidden behind all my life was ripped down forever in one act of courage tonight. But I had never expected Sam’s revelation that he, too, was gay.
I wasn’t sure what it all meant for us. He said we were friends, and honestly, if that’s all we ever were, I was cool with it. He was a great guy, and I knew he would be a great friend. But what if he wanted more? What if I wanted more? How would that work? And more importantly, what if one of us wanted more, and the other didn’t. Would it kill the friendship?
Our future was unclear, for sure. On the one hand, Sam was everything I ever wanted in a guy. Beautiful, caring, a perfect gentleman. White hot body, gorgeous face, killer eyes, and his goofy, smart ass grin which made me smile and made my cock jump. And the confidence that turned me on so much. So there was a big part of me that wanted more than friendship. Sam was the kind of guy I could fall for, head over heels.
On the other hand, I also desperately needed him to be my friend. There was something so right about how he and I interacted. It was easy, and he made me feel good about being me. I didn’t feel like a freak around him. Or someone less than normal – like I didn’t quite measure up. He didn’t just tolerate me tagging along. He really wanted me to hang out with him.
With Fred back in Chicago, who I did consider to be a friend, I was never really certain how he viewed me. Was he just being nice to me, since that’s how his parents raised him to be, or did he really like hanging out with me? When we were with his other friends – they were never really my friends – he seemed okay with me being along for the ride, but he also seemed fine with me leaving early or bagging it when the tone of things changed. It was almost as if he liked me, but he could take me or leave me in those situations. Although to be fair, he said some positive things to me on our last evening together. Said he trusted me more than anybody else, which was cool. And he had known I was gay all along, I couldn’t forget that. Plus I knew when it was just the two of us, we had a great time hanging out, just goofing around. So maybe my uncertainty was in relation to the other guys being around.
It would be interesting to see how Sam and I interacted when we were with his other friends. I was especially wondering about Tommy. Would he like me? Would he think I was “friend” material for Sam? He obviously knew Sam was gay – he had been there to help pick up the pieces when whatever happened with Jeremy happened. Would he be okay with me being gay? I wasn’t planning on making a big announcement, but I had a feeling it might be obvious to the other guys. I wasn’t hiding anymore, at least not consciously, so who knew what might happen.
I made a decision. No matter what, Sam and I were going to be friends, first and foremost, for as long as he wanted. Which I hoped was forever. I would not do anything to hinder that.
Just then, my cell phone went off. It startled me, since I seldom received calls. I answered it with a smile.
“Mario’s Deli, home of the mile-high pastrami. Mario speaking. Howsa may I uh help you?”
I heard Sam’s soft chuckle on the other end. “Cute, Jack. Real cute. Hey, I made it home in one piece. Gonna hit the sack now. I’m wiped.”
“Great, glad to hear it, Sam. Thanks for calling, I appreciate it. Sleep well. Good night, big guy.”
“Nite, little man.” He hung up.
I stared at my phone, wondering what had happened in just one short evening. Sam had picked me up, ostensibly to take me to meet his gang of friends. We ended up sharing a movie and a pizza and a couple of secrets. Now I had just used a term of endearment to say goodnight to him, and he did the same back to me. It just slipped out. There was no thought to it. My guess was there was none to his either. Not sure what to make of it all.
I put myself to bed. I did my bathroom routine, undressed, and hopped under the covers. I lay there in the dark, my mind replaying the entire evening. I couldn’t find one moment I would go back and change. It was a perfect night.